life ripples

Changes.

In schedules, relationships, habits, thoughts, ect.
I feel like my life can be separated into stages.
The child stage.
Tween stage.
Young adult stage.
And the 'Now stage'.

I am moving from the young adult stage to the next. Whatever it might be called.
And all of the change that is involved in that.
One of the hardest things for me is feeling like the exact same person while everything around me seems different.
In my own my mind I am not 'ready', whatever that means exactly. Like I should be able to choose what changes I want and when.
Ha.
I don't even want that, when I think about it.
Too much responsibility and pressure. *shudder*

I have always been grateful for having been born a girl. God knew what He was doing :)

be free
~noel

My Great Romance

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not.

He really loves me.
Forever and throughout all of eternity.

And this is best kind of romance, the greatest love story ever told.
Where the Hero gives everything for the girl, who is held captive by the most evil villain in all of time, history and space.
There is no getting to know each other, or debate over 'is this the right one?'
There is no one else, no other champion or savior.
No one that can save me from sin. Or myself.

Only Him.
And no one else.

In return for all of me, He promises to take care of me, to bless and protect me. To never forsake me.
He will always listen, always understand, and never back away.
When it feels like my world is falling apart His arms are there, holding me up, His hand stroking my hair, and His strong but gentle voice reassures me that He has everything under control.
There is no one stronger, more tender, or all powerful.

No one judges me in this relationship, or think its weird that He goes everywhere I go.
No one questions my loyalty, or thinks that I love Him more than I do them. Because I do, and its okay.

And even though He is continually breaking my heart I don't feel betrayed.
In my brokenness there is healing, and my love for Him is multiplied.

We never grow tired of each other's company, or run out of things to say.
He writes amazing love letters, and I try to sing Him songs.
He paints me pictures, in the sunset, and I am blown away.

I have forgotten Him, stood Him up, left Him, ignored Him, betrayed Him, disobeyed Him, and yelled at Him.
He doesn't care.
He forgives me, fights for me, takes me back, protects me, pursues me, and never ever stops loving me.

If there ever was an unconditional love this is it.
If there ever was a perfect fairy tale, this is it.
If there ever was anyone more undeserving, I am her.


Song of the Captive Princess


Would You open up my eyes
And show me the light
Take me away from this place
Would You open up my eyes and show me the light
'Cause I cannot make it alone
I need You, I need You
I need you, yes I need You
To free me
-shawn mcdonald

whispers of violet.

Yawning, I stretch as much as I can in the driver's seat of my little grey car.
My eyes feel itchy and tired.
It had been a long day, made even longer by the numbing headache that has been my constant companion.
Watching the road, intent on getting home, where food and bed awaits me, my mind wanders. Thoughts from the day, and feelings of pity for myself were the main themes.
I happen to glance up, heading West, and my breath catches.
The color starts on the left, light peach mixes with a blushing pink, spreading across the sky to the orange center.
To the right whispers of violet, etched in clouds, feather across the sky. The purple hue blending to blue then back to violet again.
My fingers itch for my camera, or a paintbrush (obviously forgetting that they have never painted a decent picture). Every part of my being longing to capture the beauty that is in front of me.
I sigh. Overwhelmed by the delicate, but awe-inspiring grace of the sunset.
As the seconds tick by the sky changes, subtle but sure. The pink fades, the violet slowly disappears into the blueish black of night.
In less than 5 minutes I experienced one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen, and just like that it was gone.
Slipped away, to the other side of the world.
But, captured in my heart and memory.
The thing I keep pondering is the fact that the sunset happens every day, just like the sun rises, and the stars come out.
It is a constant.
And God made it beautiful.
Not only does He make it beautifully colorful, with light and shadows. But He makes it different every single time, no sunset is the same as any time the sun has set before it.
Every time the sun slips behind the horizon it displays a depth of creativity, and a passion for beauty.
God loves beauty. Even in things that seem not to matter.
I try to imagine this part of His nature, coupled with His power, and knowledge, His sense of justice and jealousy of anything or anyone that might take away from that.
He is strong, brave, righteous, holy, full of honor, worthy of reverence and fear, who in the old testament killed whole families for the indiscretion of one man.
He is also kind, loving, merciful, full of grace, passionate, gentle, understanding, a painter of sunsets, grower of flowers, nurturing, who loves children and cares about tiny birds.
I don't know how He fits all of that together, how all of that exists in Him, but it does.
He is.
All of that. And so much more.
Anything I try to say about Him falls so very short.

My last thought, for this post, is;
If this is the God I serve, and I believe that it is, then my only response can be total and complete surrender.
The only appropriate worship and adoration being to spend my whole life knowing Him, falling more in love with Him, and abandoning everything in order to follow Him.

be abandoned, *to God*
~noel

snow. snow. snow. snow!

Snowed in.

At first it was lovely.

Beautiful white scenery, time to rest and spend with family.
I had this this idea of getting things done that I have been putting off..........but, I only accomplished a few.
Oh well.
I have caught up on sleep, read, spent time with family, and stalked this amazing blog for hours.
Last night I caught a baking bug and made these scones;

Very easy to make, recipe here

I was quite pleased with the results. (as you can see)

No laughing. This is me; in all my natural glory hehe.
I'm trying to be more productive today, so far I've cleaned the bathrooms, hung up my clothes......I've had a thought about mopping the floors, but we'll see if I get that far :P

be free
~noel

Big, Beautiful, Blue Sky

Such a beautiful day

Not a cloud in the sky

And to think that some days

All I can wonder is why?

This is not one of those days

Because as I stare into the sky

That beautiful blue doesn't ask 'why?'

Somehow, some way

I have all of my answers

Like where to go, what to do,
And why do people die of cancer
Those answers might not be
The ones you would expect

But, God is in control
And I do not have to worry about
"What is next?"

'A dream is a wish your heart makes'

I usually do not agree with most things 'Disney', but I think they may have gotten this one right.

The only thing thing they missed is how much it hurts for that dream to not become reality.

It is hard.

There is an ache in the center of my chest, and my eyes burn with unshed tears.

Which I know are the first of many.

I have rarely experienced the strength of emotions that I have experienced in connection to Africa.

The nations and people have stolen my heart, and I will never be the same.

Because of this I want to go back again, and again, and again.
My honest thought was that I was going again this year, to Uganda and Rwanda.
I prayed, and prayed, and prayed. All through September, October, November, and December. Waiting for an answer. For a 'Yes' or 'No'.
All I heard was wait.
I have tried many times to hear that yes, to make something seem like 'a sign'. But I knew that it never was.

Until recently.

It is hard to describe the wrestling of my spirit and flesh, the tears, cries, confusion, and even anger.

I am convinced that it is 'No'.
And this breaks my heart.
I want to go.
To know that I will be missing so much.

The joy of the pastors.

The laughter of children.

The passion and boldness of preachers, evangelists, and people like me, only in a different country.
Holding beautiful babies.
Sharing Jesus with students, so open and ready.

Seeing myself change in ways I never thought possible.
Being part of something so much bigger than myself. A team.

Right now I'm not sure what I am feeling.
But hopefully soon I will have the peace that I know will come.

letting go,

~noel

Of Change and Owls.

2011.

To be honest the thought of a 'new year' scares me.

Though, it is not much different than 2010.

The thing I am actually afraid of is change.
I. Do. Not. Like. Change.

Which might be a problem at this point in my life, because it feels like EVERYTHING is changing.

Many times I have the feeling that my whole life is up in the air, bouncing around, not knowing when something is going to fall into place.
Or like I am in a room with doors all around me and I keep trying to find one that fits the key I have, but I can't.

I don't even know if I have the right key, or am in the correct room.

To use the words of a sweet girl I know, 'I have a problem.' Or, should I say, another problem.
You see I have this personality trait, of wanting to make everyone happy.
Now, this is different than caring about what people think of me, because to be honest I really do not. But I do want the people I love and respect to be happy, with me.

The problem is, of course, is that I can NEVER make everyone happy.
It just isn't possible.

I also do not like to disappoint people. I have always been a 'good girl', I follow the rules, am responsible, and do what is expected of me.

But lately it seems as though it is becoming harder and harder to do what is expected of me, or what people think I should do.

Everyone has an opinion, or a piece of advice to share.

I can not listen to everyone.

I did apply for a job yesterday.
I, Mirage Noel Boyd, filled out my very first job application. It was scary. I almost wanted to snatch it back out of the lady's hands. . . . . . . What if they don't call me? Or I get an interview, and I'm not hired? No one likes rejection, and I feel almost vulnerable right now.

The next 2 months are going to be crazy busy with basketball, mission day, sunday school, fish club, and a job (hopefully).
I suspect that the rest of my life will be just as busy. (Heaven sounds good right about now)

I am hopefully getting a new phone soon, and I picked out a cover today, it made me laugh;

I think its cute :)

Well...............That is about all I have to say.
I am sure that in the next 20 minutes I will have 37 other thoughts race through my brain, but I'll deal with that later hehe.

be free (hoooo, hoooo)
~noel