Thursday, October 29, 2009


.....that crazy thing that happens when you open your eyes each day

The funny thing about life is it just keeps going, there is no stopping it. Doesn't matter if it is hard and stressful, you can not make it speed up, or just skip a few days. Or if it is good, and you feel like you want this moment to last forever. Life stops for no one, its an unchangeable...but lets not go there, I don't feel like singing :P

Do you ever feel like you are looking forward to something too much? Like all the hype and anticipation you have built up will never compare to the real thing? I think that is part of my personality, I love the anticipation of things. The waiting, the thinking......and sometimes, when 'it' actually comes, it is a let down. I have learned to counteract that personality trait with not expecting things, always thinking in the back of mind, 'it might not happen'.


This made me very happy......this gum tastes just like the Novida Pineapple soda from Africa

Thank you Sarah! :)


I have been thinking about 'growing up' alot lately. Not sure why, but I have some thoughts (of course lol)...................

I've always thought of being 'grown up' as boring, or at least 'not fun'. Something about all the responsibility, and having so much pressure from everywhere to 'DO' something with you life.
Everyday it seems like someone asks me 'the question'; What are you doing???? I need to just carry around a business card that says; I do NOT have a job, career path, college classes, boyfriend, or plan for my life........nor do I care what you think, and please keep all thoughts, opinions and advice to yourself.
But that'd be rude, and slightly expensive.

Has it ever occurred to anyone that MAYBE I'm exactly where I am supposed to be? That MAYBE God wants me here at this point in my life. And MAYBE the creator of the universe KNOWS what He is doing........*GASP*

New motto; Life is complicated......get over it.

Anyways, I said all that to say that I have a new thought about being 'grown up'........
.............Being grown up is when I am:

*comfortable with myself

*secure in who I am in Christ

*not trying to impress people

*accepting my responsibilities, but not allowing them to rule my life

*able to get out of my 'box' in order to make others feel more comfortable in theirs

*realizing that I will never be done learning

*striving to make the best of each day, because I don't know if I will have a tomorrow

*knowing that laughter really is the best medicine

*having my priorities straight; (1) God, (2) Family, (3) Friends

*fulfilling my true calling; being a LIGHT to as many people as I can

*dreaming about the future....that is getting closer all the time (EEEEEKKK!!!)


On a lighter note; Fall is here! And I've decided to give the whole 'cool weather' thing another chance. Perhaps I've judged too harshly and put Summer up on a pedestal.......Last night I kind of enjoyed the shock of the cool breeze, and the crisp scent of the air. I suppose that means I have to give sweaters, boots, jackets, gloves, scarfs and hats another shot too.........So this week I promise not to complain, and find as much joy in 'dressing up' as possible :)

life is good~eternal life is better~happy is a yuppy word, guess that makes me a yuppy~I like being random~Jesus loves me~music is life, or pretty close anyways~I miss Africa~I'm singing a song for church for the first time; ever~my eyes are blue!!!~procrastinating is all fun and games til you have to do something~new hobby; photography-ish~looking forward to lots of stuff~

be free

PS I couldn't find a song that fit my here is a picture of something that always makes me happy :)

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

I have heard this saying many times in my life, and I know that is has not been very long, I admit that. But I do not know if I have ever understood more clearly what it meant than on the Reaching Souls trip to Mombasa, Kenya this summer. I had an amazing time on this trip, it was life changing, and I do not say that lightly. The people I met, experiences I had, things I saw, and friendships I made have changed my life forever, and will continue to do so. But this story is not all about me, it is about my new hero; Jerry Hamlin. From the moment I met Mr. Hamlin, when he gave us all, (the young people), awesome evange-bracelets, I knew that he had a special relationship with Jesus. Just the soft way he spoke and his passion for reaching the lost. I was encouraged over the next few weeks, as Mr. Hamlin went with us to the schools, sharing the gospel message and giving away bracelets and candy. He was so generous that he even gave away some of mine. He also brought thousands of Evangecubes to give to the pastor's and their wives, I had the privilege of using one to share the gospel with a group of girls.
The one thing I will never forget about Mr. Hamlin happened on our way home. Some of you may have heard about our little adventure on the way back. If not, let me just say that being stuck in four airports for five days was the not most pleasant experience I have ever had, but it may be the most memorable. It was Sunday, August 16, and we had spent the night on the cold, hard airport floor. We were all hungry, thirsty, freezing, tired, and homesick. Speaking for myself I was beyond stretched and starting to have some very un-mission trip like thoughts.
At some point we all loaded up and drove into downtown Nairobi, only to be told to turn around and drive back to the airport. I ended up in a taxi with Tera, Dana, and Mr. Hamlin. I clearly remember my thoughts and feelings as I sat in the backseat and stared out the window. I was tired, lonely, scared, missing my family, homesick for anything American, and pretty much just done with the whole 'mission trip' thing.
What happened next I will never forget; Mr. Hamlin was in the front seat and started talking to the driver. He asked him his name, about his family, where he lived, and then he asked about his spiritual state and if he knew where he was going when he died. Mr. Hamlin talked to this man for the entire twenty minute drive. I have no idea how this impacted the driver's life, but I know that it made a huge impression on mine. I want to to be just like Mr. Hamlin when I grow up, to be so focused on sharing the love of Jesus with other that I forget about my own selfish desires. For my actions, even when I am halfway around the world, separated from my family, completely thrown out of my box, to speak louder than my words. And for those words to shout to the whole world that Jesus loves each and every one of them.

be free

Am I foolishness to you
And is it laughable the things I do
Can your callused minds see past yourselves to His Divine
Am I foolishness to you

Can I sing about my Maker
And have you not roll your eyes
Can I weep about my Savior
And the way He died
I know it don't make sense
To those who ride the fence
But I'm sold out to Christ

You call it loosening up
Loosening up
I call it spiraling down
Only one thing's the same
Only one thing remains
Jesus Jesus

Can I sing about my Maker
And have you not roll your eyes
Can I weep about my Savior
And the way He died
I know it don't make sense
To those who ride the fence
But I'm sold out to Christ

-Fence Riders, by Jimmy Needham

Saturday, October 10, 2009


Why do I always try to do things in my own strength???
Its so ludicrous to think that I can even come close to doing ok on my own............
Yet so many times I mess up, and say the wrong thing, or have the wrong attitude?
Why are human beings so dense?
Why do I make the same mistakes over and over without even thinking about the consequences?


And I'm done being mad at myself about it, I just want to change! Surely that is the first step, admitting you have been wrong and wanting to do something about it.

Stupid flesh.....................

'Lord Jesus, please help me to walk in Your Spirit. To listen for the still small voice, and to stop trying to do things by myself. I'm so tired of living like this, but I need Your help to change!! I love You :) - me'

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

~drumbeat back in my heart~

I know what I want to say but I can't seem to find the words........


an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.
any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

I have been feeling so many emotions lately, and on one hand its not that surprising, I am a girl and all that, but on the other its weird because I'm usually not very emotional.

Today it just kind of hit me, that when you're watching a slide show for the second time and you start crying, again, just because you feel like it, maybe there is something going on. I don't even think its necessarily a bad thing, just different.
Maybe I'm becoming more sensitive as I get older.......but I don't think that is it, although I wouldn't mind, I could use some sensitivity (my sisters are agreeing I know lol).
God created emotions for a reason, though sometimes I'm not really sure what the purpose is.............I go from happy to sad, excited to depressed, stressed out to chilled, tired to hyper, love to indifference, and from all these to a weird numb feeling..........

WHAT in the WORLD is going on??

Its kind of exhausting really, maybe getting in a routine will help or at least balance me out a little.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how blessed I am, and I'm not saying that lightly, I mean really and truly blessed, in every sense of the word. Yes, there are things I might change about my life, but they're all little things, that really do not matter.

One of the things that has really been on my heart and mind recently is: AFRICA.

'Course I know that I will always be thinking about Africa in some way for the rest of my life, how could I not?

But I've just been thinking about how incredible it was that I got to go...............I am the first person out of my immediate family to leave the country (besides Mexico), and what a privilege for me, a small town girl from Oklahoma, to go to another country, across the ocean, and share about Jesus. To bring light and TRUTH to a place that needs it so badly.....

Why ME?

I'm also really excited about Mission Day! Just to think that I am part of a group of 40 young people with such a passion to share the Gospel. Our mission field is our own back yard, and how can we NOT make a difference?????? *mind blowing*

Oh my......You Grow last was, well there is not really words for it.

The only thing I can think of is:
~ to be able to truly worship God
~in one spirit
~with like minded believers
~totally surrendered
~focused completely on the one TRUE God
~not caring that you're singing off key, you might look foolish kneeling on the floor, your mascara is running everywhere, and maybe lifting your hands and moving isn't your cup of tea
~but you really don't care, because the One you're worshiping made you and loves you just the way you are

Its indescribable, for real.

be free

This song has really been on my heart lately, it just reminds me to start each day with purpose and remember that with Jesus in my heart, how can I not have a song or beat in it??? :)

This is a draught
Been living without
The one thing life requires
What a mess
Somewhere I lost the fire
Oh my my Where has it gone
Can anybody turn this beat back on
My heart is fast asleep
Dreaming it could bleed
For something that's real
My desperate appeal
God I’m getting tired of the way I feel
When I would rather be alive

I want to wake up
I want to restart
Put the drumbeat back in my heart
I need to be revived
Bring me back to life

Coming on slow head to toe
The pulse is back again
It’s grace in my veins - replacing the pain
Bringing me back from the dead
Oh my my now I can see
You heard me cry emergency
Screaming out for help
You saved me from myself
The fires returned
I’m letting it burn
There’s nothing better in the whole wide world
It feels so good to be alive

-Heartbeat, by Remedy Drive