Sunday, November 29, 2009
Why do I put God in a box and say, 'This is what You can and can not do' ????
So stupid. ignorant. retarded. insane. untrue. messed up. wrong.
I can not comprehend how BIG God is, but so many times I don't even give God credit for what I KNOW He can do, much less all that He CAN do.
I do this all the time, but most recently when I started praying about going back to Africa next year. Get this; I TOLD God that if I had at least $300 (of the $500) deposit by January than I would take that as a sign that He wanted me to go.
Well, at the end of November I had the whole $500 deposit......yeah. My God IS that big.
This has just prompted me to dream big, and have ridiculous goals, starting with the Africa trip next year. I'm going to try to go on BOTH, GAH! I'm so excited, my 'brain' keeps telling me to not expect it to happen and not get my hopes up. BUT I serve a MIGHTY God, who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, I KNOW that IF this is His will, it WILL happen!!!
so awed and amazed by how big my God is.....
Thursday, November 26, 2009
_God (duh, but it has to be said!!! Actually, there should be a separate list for all the stuff about God because I could go on for hours......)
_Family (I could go on about this for a while too, but I'll just say; 'Mom, Dad, Rachel, Hope, Noah, Miykah, Eli, Daniel, Samuel, Gabriel, and Trinity...I LOVE you all SOOOO much, and am so grateful to be part of this family!!)
_Friends.....there really are not words for how blessed I am to have you all in my life, and I'm not even going to try and name them all, but I love you and yeah, thanks for letting me be in your lives :)
_God's Creation; Mountains, Beach, Sunsets, Hills, Fields, Dogs, Rain, Thunderstorms, Sunshine, Moon and Stars
_Technology = phones, computers, cameras, internet, facebook *gasp*, ipod, etc.
_Fish Club, Bible Club, Mission Day...
_Forgiveness and second chances
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
searching. for words to say
thoughts. strangely empty
mind. numb, unfeeling
heart. hurt. bruised and broken. shattered, but still beating.
Longing for home, my real home. heaven. oh happy day.......
Outpouring of emotion.
Desperate plea; 'Oh God, take me as You find me. Heal me from the inside out. Crush me. Try me. Use me. Fill me. Break through these walls. Bring me low.'
Tired of being 'me'; sinful. selfish. lazy. unkind. shallow. judgemental. prideful. worldly. stupid.
To say that I need Jesus seems inadequate. But I can't seem to find another word.......
*want *covet *desperate *longing * essential *desire *crave *necessity *hunger *require *yearn *thirst *imperative
(me without Jesus --*destitute *void *drought *inadequacy *empty *lost *dying *dry *poor *homeless *damned)
Out of all those the one that 'clicked' with me was 'YEARN'.
-shows the depth and passion of the desire
-implies a wholehearted desire for something that seems unattainable
-restless or insistent craving to fulfil some urge or desire
-physical or emotional suffering as a result of the apparent hopelessness of one's desire
Jesus, I yearn for You
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Monday is by far the most interesting/crazy/LOOOOOONG/tiring/emotional/A-mazing/AHHHHHHH/yeah -- day of the week.
Mission Day - Western Hills Church
40 Student missionaries
9 1/2 hrs, 1 day a week
It starts at 6am (such an insane hour!) when I get out of bed and have my quiet time. Even though spending time with the Lord makes me get up earlier, and I'm technically serving God all day, if I don't have this time than my day is NOT good. I've learned this the hard way.
I arrive at the church at 7:30 am, and stay there for 13 hrs.......very very very long hours, but SO worth it!
In the morning we (the team's, 4 in all) have team meeting's and prepare for Character First. My favorite part of the morning is when we practice singing together, its amazing. I always leave with a smile on my face.
Next is Fish Club, there are 4 people on my team, (my Dad, Mr. Werner, Mrs. Sauer, and Nick). We go to Santa Fe South Middle School, and host a club for Christian kids. They come and pray for their friends, then once a month they invite them to Club and we share the gospel.
I have already been able to build relationships with two girls, and am looking forward to making many more.
Last Friday the Fish Club hosted a cookout for the entire school. It was so much fun! We served lunch to over 300 kids, did a skit about a modern day Good Samaritan (a kid was beaten up by 3 girl bullies, and had an asthma attack hehe, it was pretty funny), and shared the gospel. I sat down and started talking to five 6th grade girls, and they asked me about Fish Club, I told them it was a club where Christian kids came and prayed for their friends to know Jesus. One of the girls asked me what a Christian was......well, that was the perfect opening and I got to share with all of them for about ten minutes. All of them acted interested, so I gave them phone number and email, and I'm praying :). I am so excited about what God is doing through me and everyone else!!
After lunch we have another team meeting for Bible Club, which is probably my favorite part of Mission Day, I'm not going to lie :). I think it is because I can actually SEE the impact I'm making on kid's lives, I KNOW that I'm making a difference.
Bible Club is an after school program started by NOVO Ministries.
There is 16 people at my Bible Club, at Lee Elementary. It starts at 3:00 pm and goes until 4:30pm. I love all 75(ish) of our kids! Well, I love kids in general, but these are special! These are the ones God has placed in my 'mission field', the ones I have the privilege of showing Jesus' love to.
After all this I come back to the church exhausted! But its not over.....we have one more meeting about the plan next week, and than we have about 45 min (if we're lucky) to eat a little bit and get ready for.....
You Grow starts at 6pm, and is A-mazing. Every single week I am so refreshed, challenged, encourage, drained, awed, overwhelmed, convicted, and so much more. Right now we're going through the Truth Project, my third time....but somehow I usually always learn something new each time, God is pretty amazing like that :). I'm not sure I ever experienced worship for real until I started going to You Grow. It has stretched my thoughts about worship to places I couldn't even imagine.
So....that is my Monday, every Monday. And I LOVE it, usually. I can't think of anything else I would rather be doing than what I do on Monday's; serving-loving-crying-encouraging-witnessing-discipleling-laughing-worshiping-learning-teaching-smiling----- LIFE CHANGING-----
You live among the least of these
The weary and the weak
And it would be a tragdedy for me to turn away
All my needs You have supplied
When I was dead You gave me life
How could I not give it away so freely?
And I'll follow You into the homes that are broken
Follow You into the world
Meet the needs of the poor and the needy, God
Follow You into the world
Use my hands, use my feet
To make Your kingdom come
To the corners of the earth
Until Your work is done
'Cause faith without works is dead
And on the cross Your blood was shed
So how could I not give it away so freely?
I give all myself
Yes, I give all myself
I give all myself......to You
-Follow You, Leeland
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Why this, why that, why do bad things happen to good people, why is the grass green, why is the sky blue, why oh why do I do what I do.
But recently I've been whining alot, just a heartfelt cry to God; 'WHY is this happening? Why is this your plan? Why me? Is this really You?'
Anyways, yesterday God showed me something about this........something that I really fought and struggled with, I did NOT want to see through His eyes, I was enjoying my little pity party.
I just felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me; 'Well, why not?'
Those three words shook me to the core, I had nothing to say, nothing to think, nothing I am.
I knew right away what I should be asking myself when life isn't perfect;
'Well, why not Mirage Noel Boyd? You don't deserve any special treatment. In fact you are only where you are, (alive, healthy, wonderful family, amazing friends and church family, working with kids, lacking NOTHING), because of the grace of God, His love for you, and the blood of His Son, Jesus.'
Yeah, I felt smaller than a speck of dirt.......so humbled and amazed and awed, no words, none. Just the worship of a broken heart, with all my pride and selfishness on the floor.
But there's more....
Seriously, I was like really God? Really? I don't know how much more I can handle right now. Yet, God knows.
I just realized that I had been taking Him for granted, especially the last week or so. I would be feeling depressed or sad or overwhelmed and immediately be like, 'Oh God, I need You.' And expect an instant band aid. I want Him to take away the pain and give me instant peace at the touch of a button, or just by saying His name.
When I should come into the presence of the Almighty God with fear and trembling, speechless because of His love, mercy and grace.
I was taking the power of the All-Powerful God lightly, how does that happen? I felt so stupid. Just the fact that I can talk to Him like my best friend is a miracle, yet I treat it like its not a big deal, or its something that I have a right to.
After all that I felt the arms of my Abba Father wrapping around me healing my broken heart, and erasing the hurt of yesterday. I'm getting chills just thinking about it.......
HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF THE FATHER!!!!!
Words fall like drops of rain
My lips are like clouds
I say so many things
Trying to figure You out
But as mercy opens my eyes
My words are stolen away
With this breathtaking view of Your grace
And I'm speechless, I'm astonished and amazed
I'm silenced by Your wondrous grace
You have saved me
You have raised me from the grave
And I'm speechless in Your presence now
I'm astounded as I consider how
You have shown us
A love that leaves us speechless
So what kind of love could this be
That would trade Heaven's throne for a cross
And to think that You still celebrate
Over finding just one who was lost
And to know You rejoice over us
The God of this whole universe
It's a story that's too great for words
Oh, how great is the love
The Father has lavished on us
That we should be called
The sons and daughter's of God
We are speechless, so amazed
We stand in awe of Your grace
We stand in awe of Your mercy
We stand in awe of Your love
You have saved us from the grave
We are speechless
I am speechless
-Speechless, Steven Curtis Chapman
Sunday, November 8, 2009
What I mean is that I love my home state, always have, always will. I love the smallness, the crazy weather, amazing thunderstorms, good people, and of course the fact that my church, and most of my friends and family live there.
I have a small part of my heart that belongs to Texas......shocking I know (now I see who loves me unconditionally :P)
Besides the fact that I was born here (there, I'm in Texas now lol), and lived the first seven years of my life, there is just something special about this state.
I'm not talking about the ego, which is EVERYWHERE;
'Don't mess with Texas'
'Texas; its like a whole 'nother country'
and my personal favorite.......
'Everything is bigger in Texas'. (including cowboy hats, belt buckles and trucks.....yet, smaller jeans for some reason...but I'm stereotyping, which usually gets me in trouble).
I think its the people, it might be the accents (I've always secretly wanted to be a southern belle hehe), and it probably has a little something to do with the stores....
You go into a restaurant, named appropriately; The Cotton Patch, and the hostess greets you as if you're famous, asking what you prefer and how your day was. The waitress, Ashley (who probably came right from a Miss Rodeo contest, red curly hair and all), treats you like family complete with, 'I'll have that riiiight out for ya honey' and 'Ya'll have a nice day now'.
I ran an errand for my uncle, I admit that the traffic here scares me, and every time I drive I freak out a little.......but I was doing fine, until the construction. I'm not sure how it happened, but I somehow got stranded in the middle of the intersection, blocking two lanes, one coming the other way. Yet, no one honked or made gestures.....I'm pretty sure they were just smiling, or it may have been laughing, but I didn't really care. Everyone stopped until I figured out what I was doing, I smiled and acted like I had no idea what I was doing, and I didn't :P (my aunt was like, 'cute goes a long way here...' whatever lol). But everyone was so nice, and when I got lost the next two times, people were just as nice as I went the wrong way and pulled out in front of them.
Where cab drivers wear cowboy hats, and an Asian man can dress like Will Rogers. Rhinestones are on everything, country music is played everywhere, and there are more trucks than SUV's.
I have laughed alot;
In line at Stein mart; lady 1, 'are these earrings too big?', lady 2, 'honey, we're from Texas, nothings too big.'
At how it goes below 60 deg. and everyone starts freaking out and pulling out their scarves, gloves, and coats.
These older couples at Barnes & Nobles who were making fun of Texas Tech, with their Texas Longhorn shirts on......I laughed HA!
So in conclusion, I love Texas; the state. The people are nice, except for the obnoxious ones......(but I can dish it out, if I want lol), and the weather is beautiful.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
I, by no means, have 'it' all figured out, but I think that God chooses to rock my world just when I think I am doing fine by myself and have everything under control.
HA! Such a lie.....
Can I just take a few minutes to say how disgusted I am with mySELF?? And that I really don't understand how I can make the same mistakes over and over?? I have heard so much TRUTH the last few months, but it somehow just sits in my brain and doesn't guard my heart or guide my actions. Stupid flesh.
I feel like a completely different person than I was a few days ago, God has been teaching me so much, and none of it is easy. Than again, when is it ever?
Things I am Learning;
*Life is hard, but always worth it
*God will never leave me. period.
*I forget so easily; to continually go to God with everything is one of the hardest things I've ever done
*to have 'dates' with God, to tell Him about my day and all of the things I'm going through, to share my emotions freely without having to fear rejection
*happiness is over-rated
*I have a hero. His name is Jesus
*that there are so many songs about life being hard and going through hard times, but not many about life being perfect and always being happy..........reminds me of the verse in John 16; 'In this world you WILL have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.'
*searching for true and lasting joy; I feel like I'm so close, my fingers are brushing it, but still so far away.......'For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.' - 1 Cor 13:12
*that I can be hurting on the inside, and still experience joy......such a God thing
*feeling like a failure in so many areas, yet God still puts me in situations to counsel and shepherd people....what???? Just a reminder that nothing good that comes from me, is ME....but only God working through me.
*sometimes in life you just have to hope and dream, even though it might mean falling and getting hurt.....(I have a hero!)
*girls are stupid. nuf said.
*stress + angry + scared + VERY confused + other emotions = crying. every time.
*starbucks + laughter + friends = <3 id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">rizzle
And all of that in just four days........pretty much exhausting.
On the bright side; my room is clean, I filled 5 pages in my journal, and I made an awesome playlist that I can't stop listening to :). (its on facebook if you're interested, it called; Hold My Heart) Oh, and I made it to 75 sit ups in the gym, shooting for 80 in the morning.
I love Jesus, He loves me and that's about all I know!
Alone again again alone
Patiently waiting by the phone
Hoping that You will call me home
The pain inside my love denied
Hopes and dreams swallowed by pride
Everything I need it lies in You
'Cause I'm broken
I know I need You now
'Cause deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know Your heart in broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away
I question why You choose to die
When You knew Your truth I would deny
You look at me
The tears begin to fall
And all in all faith is blind
But I fail time after time
Daily in my sin I take Your life
All the hate deep inside
Slowly covering my eyes
All these things I hide
Away from You again
All this fear holding me
My heart is cold and I believe
Nothings gonna change
Until I'm whole again
-Broken, 12 Stones