everlasting. never ending.

I have always thought of wanting to go to Heaven as a sign of spiritual maturity and a realization of what really matters.
But today I had a new thought:
What if wanting to go to Heaven, or home as I call it, is just selfishness?
Why do I want to go home?
What are my motives?
Am I truly focused completely on God and what He wants?

I think that the answer to these questions are simple. I am selfish. I want to go home because I am 'tired' of this world. I want to escape all the pain, confusion, and chaos.
I basically want to give up. I am saying that this is too hard and I don't want to do it anymore.
I am not focused on God at all, I am focused solely on myself and what I want.

I have been trying to think about what this mindset says about what I think about God. What it is saying to Him. I am telling God that I do not trust Him. I do not think He has a good plan for my life, and that I really don't appreciate everything He has blessed me with.
Doesn't God have a intricately designed plan for my life?
Is He not trying to show me love and make me more like Him with all the 'hard' things He puts in my life?
Do I not have a mission here on this earth? One that does NOT involve always being happy and pleased about what is happening to me.

This is such a hard thing to really get.
I like feeling sorry for myself.
I like being all self-righteous because I am 'tired' of the evil world and want to go to Heaven, where it is holy.
Why is it so hard to embrace every hardship as an opportunity for growth and wisdom?
And WHY WHY WHY is my first instinct to think about myself every single moment of every single day?
Am I redeemed or not? Have I been sanctified? Am I being transformed or conforming more everyday?

I am.

If there is one thing I DO know it is that I have a Savior.
He saved me.
I am saved.
From selfishness. And pride, and everything else that makes up my old flesh.
I have faith in this.
I press on because of this.
I will overcome and one day I will go Home. But it will be God's timing. His will.
And Oh, what a glorious day that will be.

be free
~noel~

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out
-Inside Out, Seventh Day Slumber

cornerstone

God is my everything.
Without Him I am nothing.
He is the air I breathe and my reason for breathing.
I love Him because He first loved me, because that is what I was made to do; love God.
If I do not love God I have nothing. I am nothing.
The whole basis for Christianity is love. Started with love, ended with love, and there is so much love in between.
You show love by your actions. Not by words, feelings, or thoughts.
I have a conviction to love the Lord my God with all my heart, mind, soul and strength because it is the basis of The Truth.
If I do not believe this, then everything else is a lie and my life has no meaning or purpose.

rAnDom ON pURpoSe

I like order.
I appreciate symmetry, and things that 'go' together.
Chaos stresses me. Disarray jumbles my thinking.
A place for everything, and everything in its place.

But, I also like to be random. As in without rhyme or reason. No method or logical sequence. Its surprisingly hard to be random sometimes. My brain is not really wired that way. I tend to think in an orderly and precise train of thought. One thing leads to another, and I rarely get 'off' topic.
As I get older I do believe that I am learning to loosen up and relax. And the more I realize that being random is a gift, because randomness leads to laughter, and if you can make people laugh then you will always have friends.
'Laughing with friends is good for the soul' - Me :)

So; this is my attempt at randomness and I hope it brings a smile to your face (because it looks SO much better that way hehe)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Grandparents on facebook is weird, and downright creepy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I type the lol I actually say 'laugh out loud' in my head.
I also have the tendency to mouth all the words as I type them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Speaking in an accent instantly makes talking more fun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Whenever you are trying to make polite conversation it always helps to speak loud enough that they can hear you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There should be a law that all grocery stores must follow the same basic layout.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No, I did not turn up the radio because you started singing, I just couldn't hear it very well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Having a bad day? Just go to an auto parts store, they treat girls like royalty there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It is not about what you say, its about what you communicate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I like to play peek-a-boo with random babies at Wal-mart. Which either makes the mother smile or give me a dirty-you're-a-creeper-look :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just because I'm wrong, does not make you right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Marriage; the only family you can choose.....hmm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Writing about music is like dancing about architecture

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'If I answer the phone and they have an Indian (as in India) accent, I hang up.' - mom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Normal is boring. Whoever invented normal anyways? What is the standard that 'we' judge 'normal' by?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing tips like a cow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Ello poppet. 'Ello chum.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

'Is that you breathing? 'Cause I can't hear myself think! There's too much going on here; you're asthmatic, you're a robot. And why the cape? Are we going to the opera? I don't think so.' - Kah Mun Rah (I have come baaaaack to life!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

British people have so many cool words (must be said with accent): Smashing. Brilliant. By jove! Bimble (to wander aimlessly). Cheeky. Daft. Blimey. Kerfuffle (fight). Manky (sick). Naff (lame, cheap, tacky). Numpty (stupid person). Oy! Spot on. Ta (thanks awfully). Telly. Wonky (off, not straight, something wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

R-U-N-N-O-F-T

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Hope you enjoyed my attempt at randomness, on purpose :)

be free
~noel~

2009_a year of learning_

I suppose that when I get older New Year's will be less dramatic and important. Right now though it is pretty cool, a brand new year. A whole year has gone by. Just the mystery of it, what is going to happen in 2010? How am I going to change? And what will I learn?



2009 seems like it just started, and yet the last year has been the most life-changing for me so far. I feel much older somehow, while at the same time knowing how young and naive I really am.

I will never forget some of the things that happened last year, they have shaped my character and personality into something completely different.

{2009} - You have stretched me beyond myself.

January and February was basketball, basketball and more basketball. I helped coach, along with running the clock and keeping the book, both very valuable life skills.
In March I planned, shopped, packed, and cooked for the ski trip (with Whitney). 3 meals a day, 40 people, 7 days.
April marked the beginning of conference season and most of my time was devoted to Character Focus. Through April and May I helped with 3 Children's Conference's, one a trip to Arkansas where I participated in 2 youth led revivals. I started teaching Sunday school in May, and I love it! My group, 10-12, has changed the way I view 'kids', and I am continually amazed by how smart they are.
In June we had our church VBS, or Character Week, it was done a little different this time, and I was in charge of a team for the first time. The responsibility was a challenge, but one I very much enjoyed. I also was able to talk with Jose, he was a 2nd grader I taught in Character First all year, then he came to Character Week. He started asking me questions, and I had the privilege of leading him to Jesus :).
July was slower, started watching the Truth Project with the leadership team, and I will be forever changed by those discussions. Was able to play basketball in some scrimmages, and found out that I'm not as old as I thought.
The end of July was the beginning of the RSI Africa trip to Kenya. This 3 week trip was unlike anything I have ever experienced. Whenever I think about the past year Africa always comes to mind first, every time. There are too many thoughts and emotions about this subject, words can not properly express it, besides this; Africa will be forever etched in my heart.
September; the whole family went to the beach for vacation. 7 amazing, wonderful, relaxing, quiet, beautiful days......*sigh*
October was crazy. Leadership retreat, picture party, camping in the freezing cold. Start of mission day, and BIBLE CLUB! Watched a good friend jump from a plane and hit 3,000 texts for the first time.
November.....most definitely a learning month. I think I wrote more in my journal than the last 3 months combined. Conclusion; God is always faithful. Happiness is not the same as joy. The friends I have are the best ever. My God is so big, so strong, and so mighty, there nothing my God can not do.
I must confess that I was happy to see November go, and December did not disappoint. It was a very good month, so very busy and fun.
Goodbye 2009, you were amazing and have showed me how life is worth it, every second.