Wednesday, December 31, 2008

ready or not

So many thoughts are going through my mind, so many things I could write.

I guess I'll start with Christmas and say that this year's was the BEST ever. Of course I say that every year and it is true. Even though my little sister Trinity got RSV and could not go to any of the Christmas functions. Also, my parents got sick Christmas day and have been since then. Still, this was an amazing Christmas, and as always my favorite was giving presents to my family. I love the whole process; the shopping, thinking, wrapping, but most of all seeing their faces. My favorite present was probably a comforter set:

Isn't it cute? My mom has very good taste, and it is soooo soft, which is very important.

I am looking forward to the New Year and what it will bring. This year has gone by so fast, and at the same time seems like forever since it started. I feel like a totally different person than I was at the start of 2008. I think that I have grown in my faith, and have definitely had some character building. I do not feel old, yet neither do I feel young. I look at my younger siblings and remember being there, and wonder how I could have acted the way they do.
I feel content, which is a new thing for me. Ever since I graduated I have felt impatient and confused about what I was supposed to do next. Just within the last few days I have felt this sense of peace and joy. Nothing has changed in the physical sense and the fact that I still don't have any plans, but I have this feeling that it really does not matter. Like having a plan is not what is really important. What is important is trusting that God has a plan, and that I am right in the middle of His plan. Because He does not make any mistakes, and I am not here by accident.
Right now I feel free, like I could do anything. I know that doubts will come, but one of my New Year's resolutions is to not think about it. To just keep following God and not let the fear of man, or pride influence the decisions I make.

I do have some New Year's resolutions.....but I think I'll wait until it is actually 2009, seems more fitting lol. I hope that everyone has a wonder New Year's, and remembers that God is God, no matter what is going on in your life. Love ya!

be free

I’m waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I’m holding on
To things I shouldn’t
It’s time to let them go
I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say
It’s a brand new day
The pain goes away I’m headed for the door
And I’m going home I’m going home I’m going home I’m going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I’m blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I’m
So much more

When I’ve been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn’t speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Thursday, December 18, 2008

'Tis the season......of what?

I am not in a Christmas spirit.

I do not know why.

It is really bugging me.

Now, it might have something to do with the fact that I have been sick the last three days, and today I was in bed all day. Or maybe I am just in a funk, and will feel differently tomorrow or the next day. It might be that as I am getting older I thinking about things in a different way, and my thoughts are all saying what is Christmas really about?
I know all the cliche's, about it being about Christ's birth and celebrating His coming. That it is the season of giving and showing love to others.
But what does that really mean? What does that have to do with all the baking, decorations, presents, trees, and weird Christmas sweaters?
Why is it such a big deal? Personally I think Easter is a bigger holiday than Christmas, it actually celebrates what Christianity is all about; the salvation of all mankind.

Maybe I'm just a scrooge, and will dream about ghosts tonight.

Christmas is my favorite holiday, just to be clear. I just think that it gets glamorized a lot of the time. All the focus is on the glitter and lights, and the little baby in the barn gets ignored. My challenge to you is to remember how CHRISTmas became a holiday in the first place, and not get swept away by the Hollywood-ness of it all.

"Dear Jesus,
Happy Birthday! Thank you for coming as a little child and showing us how big Your love is for us, and how small we are. I am sorry for getting caught up in the 'magic' of Christmas and forgetting about the miracle that is You. I love You."

be free

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Take a Breath or Two

Do you ever feel like you are going through life at the speed of a rocket? I am sure that everyone does, because I sure do. I feel like life is passing me by so fast that I can't possibly be experiencing it all. SLOW DOWN!!! Seriously, I am the kind of girl who likes to savor things, I like to think about it and anticipate it. I hate the end of things; end of vacation, end of Christmas, end of basketball, end of You Grow, end of another year of life. That one is really depressing, to think that 19 years of my life have already passed, and I can never be any of those ages ever again.

I love Christmas!!! It is my favorite holiday, the only thing that I do not like is how fast it goes by. Do you realize that there is only two and a half weeks left until Christmas, and in less than a month it will be 2009??????? Unreal.

Today I feel like I am taking a deep breath before 'plunging' into the next two weeks. I think we have something going almost everyday, especially on the weekends. Crazy!!

I am also excited too, I like having something to do. Especially when that something is basketball! Even though it kills me every time to see those girls out there, without me. I still love it, and coaching isn't too bad lol. At least I get to yell at people :p.

Well, I hope that SOME people are happy.........and I hope that everyone has a wonderful holiday season!! Merry Christmas!!!!

be free