Conviction dawns slowly, starting with a tiny prick and building until there is a throbbing ache in my soul.
My self rises up, once agin, to try and make excuses for what I have done. Selfishness oozes like a writhing, seething monster waiting just below the surface, ready to attack.
I have such good intentions. My heart's desire is to serve the Lord and love with all of my heart. And if love was just a feeling I would be completely in the right, yet, it is not - and I am completely in the wrong.
I long to stay in this place of contrition, with the full realization of what I need to change. I pray that I wake up in the morning with a mind and heart focused on the Holy Spirit.
This is not just for my sake, the cost is much higher than this. There are souls at stake here. Real, hurting, lost souls.
When I read the book of John I am made aware of the passion and urgency that Jesus had for us. And I wonder why I can't seem to grasp that same urgency and focus myself.
I hate my fickleness, my deceit and my lame, sorry excuses.
Oh God, please change me.