Friday, February 19, 2010


I used to think that I had it all figured out. I thought that I was so smart and knew so much. Yet, the older I get and more I learn, I realize that I really do not know anything. And I'm not even sure that I want to. Can you imagine the pressure? The constant drama, and never ending feeling of responsibility?

I have never really been a 'people person'. Compassion and sympathy are not my strong points. I struggle with pride and judging others without taking the time to think about the big picture. Showing the love of Jesus to everyone is something that has seemed impossible; until now.

My life has changed so much in this past year or so, I do not know if I have experienced so much opposition and character building in such a short period of time. It is like I have grown in my faith more in this period than the last twelve years of my Christian walk put together.
As much as I have fought, struggled and felt like every part of my life was being thrown in the fire and put to the test, I have been encouraged by this growth. I know that is so far from over, it is a constant struggle with my flesh, an all out battle between what I want and what God wants.

I have caught myself just being amazed by God's most prized creation; people. The diversity, the creativity, and how intricate we all are. I am in awe of us, of everyone. I have seen things that have both shocked and scared me, while making me think about how different my life is than the rest of the world. And realizing that every single person on planet earth is handmade by God, and how much He loves each one.

I have never experienced compassion like this before, being sensitive is a new thing for me. Tears are closer to the surface and my heart aches for people that I do not even know. I am not being prideful or trying to show off what I have done. I realize that this is only happening through the help of the Holy Spirit. I know that this is true because I am just a prideful and selfish in other situations, but I know that God is working in this area and it is exciting to me.

seeing the world with new eyes,

Monday, February 1, 2010

A Midwinter's Evening Dream

I have 3 posts that are waiting to be finished.
Deep thoughts that I had, but did not feel like finishing.
So in the midst of feeling sad and restless, which I blame on the weather, I have decided to try a different tactic and actually finish a post. It has been 5 days since I have seen the sun for any extended period of time. And my 'normal' life has been thrown completely out of whack.
Yesterday I made the mistake of smelling sunscreen. It was an innocent little bottle, just sitting on the counter. But then I had to pick it and take a whiff. It is one of my favorite smells, because it reminds me of my favorite season; Summer.
I love Spring, and Fall is beautiful.
But for some reason Summer has a special place in my heart. I love each and every thing about it. From the very first time I wear shorts, to the last time I have my quiet time out on the porch, I savor each moment.
And because I miss it so much I decided to make myself thoroughly miserable and share some of my favorite things about the wonderful thing that is Summer.
I love the outdoors, God's creation is a wondrous thing. Walking, looking, listening, climbing, running......just being outside is amazing.
Flip flops are one of my favorite things. In the summer I rarely wear anything else. I also enjoy going barefoot :)

I am fascinated by the sky. It amazes me. The beauty. The sheer size and power.
The sun is incredible, if I had to pick the one thing (as in a thing, not people or God, just to clarify) that always makes me happy I would pick sunshine. Storms are another favorite. Thunder, lightning, wind, rain. The whole show. My mom always says that God is revealing a just a tiny bit of his glory, power, and majesty.

Stars leave me speechless. There are really no words to accurately describe them. They are stars. There is nothing like them. Just the fact that the tiny light I am seeing is coming from millions of miles away, traveling years from its source, just so I can see its beauty and wonder at the creativity of our Maker.........

I seem to be saying 'I love' and 'my favorite' over and over again.
But I did tell you that this is one of my favorite things. (there I go again!)
]Anyways, back on topic. My Grandpa has a pool and for as long as we have lived in Oklahoma we have gone over every summer and used it as much as our parents would allow.
Laying in the sun has to be one of the most peaceful things ever, in my opinion.
I also love the beach, and would spend months and months there if I could.
Lemonade reminds me of Summer, hence I love it also. I thought the picture was quite nice and made me smile :)
So, now that I am way past ready for Summer, at the beginning of February no less, I thought I would share the longing with you. Hope you enjoyed.
be free