Thursday, March 10, 2011

order; the balm of my life

Chaos; turns me into a nervous, raging, stressed out shell of myself.

I can not emphasize how important order is to me.
Some people have called me a neat freak, or OCD (which really should be CDO)

I don't care about the label, I'm not a jar of pickles.
I am just a girl who likes things to have a place and be there, the last part is especially important.
Have I mentioned lately that God has a sense of humor?
He put me, the neat freak, in a family of 7 boys. Took away my sisters, made my mom incapacitated til May, and those 7 brothers have no brains.
I walk through the house and instantly I feel my shoulders tense. The chaos that surrounds me is depressing. 
Sure, I can do something about it, but it only last for an hour or so.
Ha. Funny one.

No solution is presenting itself to me at the present moment.
I will be away from home more starting next week, but that will make it worse, not better.

So, I sit here. With my glass of lemonade, and my computer. Wishing for a fairy, or a bomb. Either would work.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

life ripples


In schedules, relationships, habits, thoughts, ect.
I feel like my life can be separated into stages.
The child stage.
Tween stage.
Young adult stage.
And the 'Now stage'.

I am moving from the young adult stage to the next. Whatever it might be called.
And all of the change that is involved in that.
One of the hardest things for me is feeling like the exact same person while everything around me seems different.
In my own my mind I am not 'ready', whatever that means exactly. Like I should be able to choose what changes I want and when.
I don't even want that, when I think about it.
Too much responsibility and pressure. *shudder*

I have always been grateful for having been born a girl. God knew what He was doing :)

be free