Friday, February 19, 2010


I used to think that I had it all figured out. I thought that I was so smart and knew so much. Yet, the older I get and more I learn, I realize that I really do not know anything. And I'm not even sure that I want to. Can you imagine the pressure? The constant drama, and never ending feeling of responsibility?

I have never really been a 'people person'. Compassion and sympathy are not my strong points. I struggle with pride and judging others without taking the time to think about the big picture. Showing the love of Jesus to everyone is something that has seemed impossible; until now.

My life has changed so much in this past year or so, I do not know if I have experienced so much opposition and character building in such a short period of time. It is like I have grown in my faith more in this period than the last twelve years of my Christian walk put together.
As much as I have fought, struggled and felt like every part of my life was being thrown in the fire and put to the test, I have been encouraged by this growth. I know that is so far from over, it is a constant struggle with my flesh, an all out battle between what I want and what God wants.

I have caught myself just being amazed by God's most prized creation; people. The diversity, the creativity, and how intricate we all are. I am in awe of us, of everyone. I have seen things that have both shocked and scared me, while making me think about how different my life is than the rest of the world. And realizing that every single person on planet earth is handmade by God, and how much He loves each one.

I have never experienced compassion like this before, being sensitive is a new thing for me. Tears are closer to the surface and my heart aches for people that I do not even know. I am not being prideful or trying to show off what I have done. I realize that this is only happening through the help of the Holy Spirit. I know that this is true because I am just a prideful and selfish in other situations, but I know that God is working in this area and it is exciting to me.

seeing the world with new eyes,

1 comment:

Meredith said...

I was bored and scrolling randomly through strangers' blogs and yours came up second. I read your latest post and I was touched. I have been there so many times. When I look in my own heart and wonder where that strength or forgiveness or compassion or love came from. It is beyond my capablity. Only a holy God can make our worthless hearts something. Just thought I would let you know that your words are not just disappearing into a computer screen. Now that I think about it I wonder if anyone has ever read mine besides my friends if it randomly took me to yours. Crazy. Thanks for the reminder.