I have been asking God 'WHY?' so much in the past few weeks, I know that everyone does it, I've done it my whole life.
Why this, why that, why do bad things happen to good people, why is the grass green, why is the sky blue, why oh why do I do what I do.
But recently I've been whining alot, just a heartfelt cry to God; 'WHY is this happening? Why is this your plan? Why me? Is this really You?'
Anyways, yesterday God showed me something about this........something that I really fought and struggled with, I did NOT want to see through His eyes, I was enjoying my little pity party.
I just felt the Holy Spirit whisper to me; 'Well, why not?'
Those three words shook me to the core, I had nothing to say, nothing to think, nothing I am.
I knew right away what I should be asking myself when life isn't perfect;
'Well, why not Mirage Noel Boyd? You don't deserve any special treatment. In fact you are only where you are, (alive, healthy, wonderful family, amazing friends and church family, working with kids, lacking NOTHING), because of the grace of God, His love for you, and the blood of His Son, Jesus.'
Yeah, I felt smaller than a speck of dirt.......so humbled and amazed and awed, no words, none. Just the worship of a broken heart, with all my pride and selfishness on the floor.
But there's more....
Seriously, I was like really God? Really? I don't know how much more I can handle right now. Yet, God knows.
I just realized that I had been taking Him for granted, especially the last week or so. I would be feeling depressed or sad or overwhelmed and immediately be like, 'Oh God, I need You.' And expect an instant band aid. I want Him to take away the pain and give me instant peace at the touch of a button, or just by saying His name.
When I should come into the presence of the Almighty God with fear and trembling, speechless because of His love, mercy and grace.
I was taking the power of the All-Powerful God lightly, how does that happen? I felt so stupid. Just the fact that I can talk to Him like my best friend is a miracle, yet I treat it like its not a big deal, or its something that I have a right to.
After all that I felt the arms of my Abba Father wrapping around me healing my broken heart, and erasing the hurt of yesterday. I'm getting chills just thinking about it.......
HOW GREAT IS THE LOVE OF THE FATHER!!!!!
Words fall like drops of rain
My lips are like clouds
I say so many things
Trying to figure You out
But as mercy opens my eyes
My words are stolen away
With this breathtaking view of Your grace
And I'm speechless, I'm astonished and amazed
I'm silenced by Your wondrous grace
You have saved me
You have raised me from the grave
And I'm speechless in Your presence now
I'm astounded as I consider how
You have shown us
A love that leaves us speechless
So what kind of love could this be
That would trade Heaven's throne for a cross
And to think that You still celebrate
Over finding just one who was lost
And to know You rejoice over us
The God of this whole universe
It's a story that's too great for words
Oh, how great is the love
The Father has lavished on us
That we should be called
The sons and daughter's of God
We are speechless, so amazed
We stand in awe of Your grace
We stand in awe of Your mercy
We stand in awe of Your love
You have saved us from the grave
We are speechless
I am speechless
-Speechless, Steven Curtis Chapman