Tuesday, October 6, 2009

~drumbeat back in my heart~


I know what I want to say but I can't seem to find the words........


emotion

–noun
1.
an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
2.
any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.
3.
any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.


I have been feeling so many emotions lately, and on one hand its not that surprising, I am a girl and all that, but on the other its weird because I'm usually not very emotional.

Today it just kind of hit me, that when you're watching a slide show for the second time and you start crying, again, just because you feel like it, maybe there is something going on. I don't even think its necessarily a bad thing, just different.
Maybe I'm becoming more sensitive as I get older.......but I don't think that is it, although I wouldn't mind, I could use some sensitivity (my sisters are agreeing I know lol).
God created emotions for a reason, though sometimes I'm not really sure what the purpose is.............I go from happy to sad, excited to depressed, stressed out to chilled, tired to hyper, love to indifference, and from all these to a weird numb feeling..........

WHAT in the WORLD is going on??

Its kind of exhausting really, maybe getting in a routine will help or at least balance me out a little.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how blessed I am, and I'm not saying that lightly, I mean really and truly blessed, in every sense of the word. Yes, there are things I might change about my life, but they're all little things, that really do not matter.

One of the things that has really been on my heart and mind recently is: AFRICA.

'Course I know that I will always be thinking about Africa in some way for the rest of my life, how could I not?

But I've just been thinking about how incredible it was that I got to go...............I am the first person out of my immediate family to leave the country (besides Mexico), and what a privilege for me, a small town girl from Oklahoma, to go to another country, across the ocean, and share about Jesus. To bring light and TRUTH to a place that needs it so badly.....

Why ME?

I'm also really excited about Mission Day! Just to think that I am part of a group of 40 young people with such a passion to share the Gospel. Our mission field is our own back yard, and how can we NOT make a difference?????? *mind blowing*

Oh my......You Grow last night......it was, well there is not really words for it.

The only thing I can think of is:
~ to be able to truly worship God
~in one spirit
~with like minded believers
~totally surrendered
~focused completely on the one TRUE God
~not caring that you're singing off key, you might look foolish kneeling on the floor, your mascara is running everywhere, and maybe lifting your hands and moving isn't your cup of tea
~but you really don't care, because the One you're worshiping made you and loves you just the way you are

Its indescribable, for real.

be free
~noel~

P.S.
This song has really been on my heart lately, it just reminds me to start each day with purpose and remember that with Jesus in my heart, how can I not have a song or beat in it??? :)

This is a draught
Been living without
The one thing life requires
What a mess
Passionless
Somewhere I lost the fire
Oh my my Where has it gone
Can anybody turn this beat back on
My heart is fast asleep
Dreaming it could bleed
For something that's real
My desperate appeal
God I’m getting tired of the way I feel
When I would rather be alive

I want to wake up
I want to restart
Put the drumbeat back in my heart
I need to be revived
Bring me back to life

Coming on slow head to toe
The pulse is back again
It’s grace in my veins - replacing the pain
Bringing me back from the dead
Oh my my now I can see
You heard me cry emergency
Screaming out for help
You saved me from myself
The fires returned
I’m letting it burn
There’s nothing better in the whole wide world
It feels so good to be alive

-Heartbeat, by Remedy Drive

2 comments:

Jonathan said...

That's awesome Noel......

Jonathan said...

O yeah..... And I have been feeling kind of the same things recently. But I can't use the "I'm a girl" thing to back me up. Soooo....... I guess I'm a wimp :)