firstborn vs girly-girl

I'm alive. Barely.
Though I'm not sure anyone ever reads these ramblings of mine.
If you do, and have been worried about my silent state over the past week or so, I am dreadfully sorry. You see I have been deathly ill, or pretty near to it. I also may or may not have a flair for the dramatic, and in plain speech I have been sick, very sick.
Though hopefully this evening marks a turn for the better, and I do believe that my dear mother is making chicken noodle soup which should speed the healing process along.
I have learned some things through this terrible flu, (and I'm not even going to mention the word 'swine' *shudders*), of course I'm always learning, and take it upon myself to share with you these life lessons. Although I do believe that I write more for myself than anyone else.

Whenever you are sick you seem to have loads of time on your hands, with nothing to do but think. Of course alot of the time I was too miserable to think, but I did have one or two thoughts.

First; that I have a split personality. I'm not talking about a mental thing, or a bipolar whatever. Let me explain........One part of my personality likes to be in control. Is responsible, can take charge, is independent, not afraid. Remains calm and cool under pressure, and likes taking risks, adventurous. I call this my firstborn-leader-take charge personality.
The other part of my personality I call my girly-girl personality. This one comes out in alot of different situations, but mostly when I'm unsure, scared or with certain people. I'm a little timid, quiet, more than willing to let someone else make ALL the decisions and be 'in charge.' I enjoy being 'taken care of' and protected. Being alone is a fear, and not knowing who to trust scares me. I don't let people see this side of me very often, which isn't always a good thing I think. Working on it.

Second; I have always thought that I like being left alone when I was sick. This is not true! It sucks, and I will gladly accept any help from now on :)

Third; I have the best friend's in the whole world, and I miss them. I'm going stir crazy! I need OUT!!! *sigh* I don't like being cooped up.....though I couldn't go anywhere right now if I wanted - feeling and looking like death prevent me from doing such things.

Thats about it, and it probably doesn't make a whole lot of sense due to the fact that my train of thought isn't flowing properly and my memory has gaps in it.....(hint; please don't use anything I may have done or said in the past 3 days against me!!)

be free
~noel~