Tuesday, August 26, 2008


I have had so many people tell me I looked sad the past week, and I've said no, that I was tired....etc.
But I think I am sad, and I don't know why, and that is really bothering me. I have no reason to be sad, God has blessed me SO much, yet when I really think about it, I do feel sad.

I am in a rut, just doing the same thing every day, and not trying to do anything about it.

What is wrong with me? I sound like an old person, or someone who has no hope. Yet, I am young, I have my whole life ahead of me, and with my Savior I can do anything.

So what is keeping me back?
Am I scared of the unknown, or that God will ask me to do something I don't want to?
Or am I just prideful, thinking 'I can figure it out by my-self'?
I don't know, but I don't like it.

In all of this I keep thinking, 'Where are You God? Why can't I hear Your voice? Or see Your plan?'

Maybe it is because I am not looking, or listening.........
I'll be the first to admit that my relationship with God is not what I want it to be.
I don't put Him first
I don't wait to hear His voice or see His plan
I just barge ahead with what I want, thinking in my own mind that I know what God wants, I'm just taking the initiative and doing it.

I can't go on like this, I do not want to end up a bitter, hypocritical church-goer.
I have to change

be free

I’m tired of putting one foot in front of the other
I’m weary of where it leads me to
I’m tired of moving on from my Father
Make me rest my head, take a breath or two

Simply stated simple minded love for You Has simply been completely complicated
And I’m finding this daily drudgery is finally catching up to me
It’s time for this abandon to make much of You and less of me
I want to breathe in
I want to breathe in and out again
-Jimmy Needham, A Breath or Two


Whitney said...

Hey if you ever want to talk I am here. I recently felt that way. I am still struggling sometimes. I love you and I am here for you. See you tmr.

Morgan Ruckel said...

Thanks for being honest. I love you very much and consider you a true friend. I will be praying for you. Morgan

Lauren said...

Yeah, I've been there, too Noel. Keep hanging in there. You are loved!

Whitney said...

dont you think it is time to post? just a thought. lol

Free-To-Fly said...

Whatever Whitney....I'll post when I darn well feel like posting :P