For God's Glory Alone
Can you know something is the truth, and not believe it at the same time?
Belief is an action. Not a feeling, or a thought. What you believe is what you live out in your day to day life.
I am;
Struggling.
Reaching.
Striving.
Searching.
Wanting.
Waiting.
Trying. . . . . . Trying to be more than what I can be. The constant battle to push my'self' out, and fill that emptiness with Christ.
Where is the balance between; A) Giving up, because the task 'to be like Christ' is impossible. B) Becoming self righteousness and legalistic, forgetting about grace. C) Being 'satisfied' with how far you've come, pride basically. Or D) Focusing so much on 'fixing' yourself that you're scared to help other people, or witness, because you might do it wrong.
I confess that I swing between A and C. Quite a big swing actually, I find myself asking God to just take me home, cause I'm tired of trying, and heaven would just be easier. Than I look back to what I was like few years ago and start feeling good about myself, and how much I have grown.
Notice all of the "I's"???
Those are my root 'issues'......Stubborn, selfish, pride. Could they be any bigger? *rolls eyes*
If only I could somehow control my body/actions/words with a 5 min delay, or a 5 day delay. If I could just think through everything I did, than I could get it right more. But than I wouldn't need God as much.
Note to self; ANYTHING GOOD/RIGHT/HOLY/ACCEPTABLE/PURE/WISE/TRUTH that comes of out of you - Noel, is of GOD. period.
Had a revelation; (this is what I call those 'aha!' moments when God lets me see through His eyes for a little bit, and I actually 'get' it, what He is trying to show my dense self)
Did you know that God is not this huge judge sitting on a throne way above everyone just waiting to point out each and every little wrong thing we do? Its true!
I was sitting there thinking about all the things I have done wrong, and just expected this feeling of guilt and shame......but it never came. Instead I just had this overwhelming sense of love. That yes I have sinned, but God still loves me. And when He looks at me he doesn't see all of the bad things I have done, but rather through the blood of Jesus; clean, pure, holy.
Why? This blows my mind! How can I even begin to understand it......Tis impossible.
And yet, understanding is not the same as believing. And I truly believe that God loves me, so much!
In conclusion I shall share a quote that Megan and I wrote together;
Life is drama
Drama is what makes life not boring. What makes life not boring is also what makes it stressful.
be free
~noel~
1 comment:
I have pretty much narrowed all of mankind's struggles down to one thing: pride. From pride comes all sin. If you think about it, it makes sense. One of my deep-thinking friends suggested selfishness as the root of everything sinful, but I think pride is the root of selfishness too, because believing we deserve to get things is prideful. But either one helps to know how we can fight against ourselves: we need humility, and eyes to see our need. The more aware of our need we are, the more aware of how good God is.
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