let your light so shine

My heart is twisting inside my chest.
My mind struggles to find the words that will make it all okay.
My soul longs for the Truth to be revealed.
My spirit prays, begging that Satan will not have any more influence.

Life seems terribly mundane, while the days go by, each with things to do and people to see.
All of that can change with one conversation, one situation, and life suddenly seems incredibly fragile, ready to shatter at a moments notice.
It may seem like I am talking about myself, that something tragic has happened in my own little box.
But, this is a false illusion.
Because there is no box.
There is a world full of people; beautiful, valuable, amazing people who need what I can give them. I have a gift, a message, a good news to tell anyone who will listen.
This good news is the Gospel.
Trading sorrow for joy. Sin for righteousness. Being forgotten to incredibly had. Giving all control for all-encompassing peace.
Jesus came, the Son of God, was perfect, died for the world, came back to life, went to prepare a place, left us to tell other people.
The most beautiful, and most hard thing is; it doesn't stop there.
Just 'telling' someone is not enough. How are they supposed to know what to do next? Does life get easier, with Jesus?
I asked this question to a 12 year old girl today, to which she replied; 'No! It doesn't get easier, its harder! Its hard being good.'
I like her honesty.

This next step is Discipleship, and it is one of the hardest (if not the hardest) things that I have ever done.
And perhaps the part that I struggle with the most is how much I care about these girls.
I love them, so much that the thought of them hurting or being led astray makes me physically ill.
This should give me the motivation to do anything and everything possible to help them grow closer to God, and encourage them in their daily struggles.
Yet, this is something that I am still trying to figure out. How to do this practically in my own life.
I need the mindset that nothing is too much, and have the willingness to follow the Holy Spirit in anything.

There is a helplessness in knowing that something is wrong, and having no idea what to do to fix it.
Prayer is the most powerful weapon I have, why is it often a last resort?
This must change.
I must change.
People are depending on me to show them Christ.

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in Heaven." Matt 5:16

A sabbatical

That is where I have been. It sounds much better than 'way too busy to do anything but the most basic things and survive until a time when I can catch my breath and start doing things like this again.' See what I mean?
Even now, as I am taking the time to do this, I see a huge pile of clothes to put up, invitations to finish, papers to go through, and a room to clean.
Such is life. And right now my life consists of wedding plans, house remodel, and talking about Jesus to anyone I can find. Oh, and a wonderful fiancé, but that goes with the wedding part.
Did I just say wedding?? I did, didn't I? I am getting married. In a little over a month. It feels completely unreal..... Until I see the dress hanging in my closet, the invitations being sent out, and a house that will soon be mine.
What an overwhelming sense of 'this cannot be happening to me', coupled with, 'how am I so blessed?'
If you have a moment pray for me, I know that is selfish in a way, but I could use God's peace and wisdom right now. I have no idea what I am doing :) its great!
be free
~noel

the sirens call

There is one thing that we all have in common.
No matter where we live or what we do.
An emotion that everyone has experienced, whether or not they have always been loved, or had their heart broken.
A period in time that for a split second there is unity in something that actually causes the opposite of unity.

Alone.
Abandoned.
Outcast.
Ostracized.

But mostly alone.
Everyone thinks it.
Maybe at home, school, work, even with friends.
You think that you are the only one going through something, or that feels something, or thinks something.
Your thoughts start with;
I am they only one....
No one has ever....
No one understands....
Why am I.....

The very thing that we all have in common makes us feel alone.
Ironic.

God has made some pretty hefty promises about this.
Promises that would be impossible for anyone else to keep.
But, God can. He WILL never leave me. He will never forsake me. He will ALWAYS work things out for my own good.
Fact; I am never alone.

We had a very interesting discussion in class tonight, it was really good.
And it sparked this train of thought, that led to a conclusion that I have never thought of before.....
We were talking about our sin nature, and why God doesn't take it away when He saves us?
It would be so much easier if there was not that constant struggle every single day between what is right and what is wrong. If I was not constantly battling my flesh, if I automatically chose the right response. Without even thinking.
God saved me, from my sins, but I think that He saves me every day from my FLESH. Which might be where the whole 'work out your salvation with fear and trembling' thing might come in.......
If God was to take away that battle, would it be a cop out? Does God love me too much to give me the easy way? Would I feel as close to God if I didn't have to work for it? And do things that I am just given ever mean as much as the things that take effort?
(On a complete side note; From God's perspective; what would be the purpose of creating something that didn't need you? That didn't require your involvement every day on a consistent basis? Isn't that the whole reason of creation?)
My conclusion (so far) is this; I (we) choose to sin, it only makes sense that we have to CHOOSE to be holy.
That is just.
And there is no excuse, everyone chooses to sin, no matter who they are. We even keep choosing wrong AFTER we know the Truth.
How disgusting is that?
The truth is, if I choose to look at it this way (wow, there is that word again, choose), every struggle is an opportunity to love God. To serve Him. By making that right choice, and using the Holy Spirit's power to make it through the obstacles.
Another fact; there IS evil in the world, nothing can change that. Again, we made that choice.
God, in His mercy, provides us with everything we need to defeat it. Starting, and ending, with ourselves.

Phew.
I am all-theology-ed out.
That is quite a bit of deep thinking for so late :)
Have a blessed week, give evil a swift kick in the pants from me.
~noel

Penny for Your Thoughts

My thoughts are worth more than that, just in the fact that I have so many.
Though I think that they (thoughts)  are often like beauty, their value is attached by the individual, not as a collective whole. Some people's thoughts are more important to me than others, and I'm sure it works the other way around as well.
Many of my thoughts have generated out of the last few weeks, and what I have discovered is that a change of routine does much to change how or what I think about.
I love my routine, I think most people do. They have a certain way of doing things, in a certain order. Sure, we all like a little adventure, or surprise, but only a little, when we expect it.
My routine is drastically changed from what it was, say 4 months ago. I got a job; the biggest thing. It also feels like God is changing my whole paradigm, or world view. The priorities that I used to have are changing, the things I felt so strongly called to are shifting. And not even anything big being put in their place, just a feeling of wait. Be cautious, step back, let other people do that.
I am not really a wait, step back, let other people do that kind of girl.
Maybe that is why this is happening.........Silly I know.
Praying for the grace to accept changes, because I know the reason of the hope that I have within me.

be free
~noel

Life is not Fair.

Injustice.

The very word makes my backbone stiffen.

I realize that life is not fair, I have heard that my whole life.

But when I see people treating other people in a way that is not right it makes me angry, and sad.

Partiality is one part of this. The definition of partiality is: Unfair bias in favor of one thing or person compared with another; favoritism. 

I have seen this more and more lately, and I don't know what to do.

Do I address it? Ignore it? Hope it goes away? CAN I do anything? Change anything? Is it my place? Do people even realize they are showing partiality? 

Some of the people that I see who are doing this are not meaning to. They are not purposely excluding people, but it is happening none the less.

It has been so encouraging to see the change in focus, in my own heart and other, off of ourselves and to the lost and seeking them out.

The danger in this is getting so focused on the mission that you forget the people.
The body of Christ, your brothers and sisters who are just as important. We are called to build each other up, encourage each other, and watch out for everyone.

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
- 1 John 4:7-12

In closing; (and on a lighter note) I found this picture as I was searching for the definition of partiality on Google, I happened to push the images and this is what came up. Enjoy :)

Be free, and love one another!

~noel

tears are falling. hearts are breaking.

How we need to hear from God.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the world.

What I know seems very small compared to all of the fear, doubt, and confusion that surrounds me.
So many people are lost.
broken.
needy.
empty.
poor.
starving.
hopeless.

"For you say, I am rich, I have prospered, and I need nothing, not realizing that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind, and naked." Revelations 3:17


This, to me, accurately describes many of the attitudes that are popular in our culture.
The superman complex.
I don't need you, I don't need anyone, or anything, I can take care of myself.
All lies.
We desperately need a Savior.
I get so caught up the mundane. In the the everyday, and even in the 'church'.
When, in reality, its really quite simple. I need Jesus. So does everyone else. Its my job to tell them, and live my life in such a way that I am a living testimony to the love and power of God.

In closing I will say that I realize that it has been two full months since I posted, and yes, I am ashamed of myself. I will TRY to do better, no promises haha.

be free, live LOUD
~noel

order; the balm of my life

Chaos; turns me into a nervous, raging, stressed out shell of myself.

I can not emphasize how important order is to me.

Some people have called me a neat freak, or OCD (which really should be CDO)

I don't care about the label, I'm not a jar of pickles.

I am just a girl who likes things to have a place and be there, the last part is especially important.

Have I mentioned lately that God has a sense of humor?

He put me, the neat freak, in a family of 7 boys. Took away my sisters, made my mom incapacitated til May, and those 7 brothers have no brains.

I walk through the house and instantly I feel my shoulders tense. The chaos that surrounds me is depressing. 

Sure, I can do something about it, but it only last for an hour or so.

Ha. Funny one.

No solution is presenting itself to me at the present moment.

I will be away from home more starting next week, but that will make it worse, not better.

So, I sit here. With my glass of lemonade, and my computer. Wishing for a fairy, or a bomb. Either would work.