First, let me say that I had an amazing time in Texas! Everyone should just get away from it all, every once in a while, I feel like I've been gasping for air for so long, and I just now got a deep breath. I posted pics on Facebook if anyone wants to see.
Here are some things that have been on my mind;
1.the act or state of fulfilling: to witness the fulfillment of a dream; to achieve fulfillment of one's hopes.
2.the state or quality of being fulfilled; completion; realization: a vague plan that had no hope of fulfillment.
What does it really mean in this thing called life? What is really important? I am searching for something that doesn't exist. Trying to find my life purpose in a job, or school, or serving other ppl, or my family or friends. When it really doesn't matter, nothing does. Nothing except the fact that You love me, all of me, and that You accept me, every sinful, deceitful, prideful part of me. And even more than that You see me through the blood of Your son; Pure, White, Holy.
I've been reading thought the Gospel's and I think its interesting how the same stories can be told so many different ways........
The story of Jesus feeding the Five Thousand fascinates me, how did He do that? What did it look like? Could you actually see the bread rising in the basket? And the fish, were they the first clones? or did he actually create a whole new fish? With different DNA and everything?
What also amazes me is that in the very next chapter Jesus feeds four thousand, and when He tells the disciples to feed them they have the exact same response!! 'How are we going to find enough food to feed all these people?' I always feel like slapping them over the head, duh! Jesus JUST fed five thousand people, you would think that they would have just looked at Jesus and been like, 'Okay, here is the seven loaves...we'll just go over here and wait.' But no, they went into a panic, again.
And just paragraphs later they're in the boat and Jesus says watch out for the leaven of the Pharisees, and the disciples start freaking out saying that they forgot bread blah blah blah. Hello? Don't you think that if His own followers were hungry Jesus would feed them? I love how Jesus like gets mad, I wish I could think of things to say like that, 'Having eyes do you not see? And having ears do you not hear? Do you not understand?' Wow, I would have liked to see the disciples expressions after that lol.
But as I was thinking about that, I realized that the disciples were doubting. And doubting is the same thing as worrying about something. I once heard someone say that every time you worry its like telling God that He is not doing a good job with your life, and that you could do better.
How retarded is that? Me, telling the maker of the universe that He is doing a sucky job. I'm the idiot, I worry all the time; 'What is going to happen with this? and maybe I should do that, and I need to take care of that.' On and on, I prolly worry, on average, at least every hour.
So, I'm going to work on being content, and finding my purpose in Jesus Christ, not in the things that this world thinks are worthwhile. Pray for me.
I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing
Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
-Let that be Enough, Switchfoot