When I was little I used to dream about the day when I would be all grown-up, when I was out of school, had a job and my own car, and life was perfect..........
I am still waiting for that day to come, even though I have all of those things, somehow they have not brought me all the happiness I thought. Proving, once again, that happiness does not come from things.
In all that dreaming, imagining my grown-up life, I had no concept of all the pressures and responsibilities it would bring. And if I could go back and tell my-self just one thing, I would say, 'sweetie, its not as glamorous as it looks, you have to buy your own gas!'
Now I dream about the day when I have a plan, a direction for my life, what am I going to be when I grow up?
I have been putting off making any major decisions, thinking; 'ah, I have plenty of time'.
But now as fall draws nearer, and as my job comes to an end, I am left with the question; 'what am I going to be when I grow up?'
The answer? I have NO idea.........*sigh* I hate that, not knowing. I'm a planner, if I had my way I would have my whole life planned out complete with charts and lists. This not knowing makes my stomach hurt :(
I was up for an hour the other night, tossing and turning, my mind just going around and around what am I going to do what am I going to do what am I....well you get the point.
And after a whole hour I had the most brilliant thought I think I have ever thought......you ready?
It is NOT up to me, I have given my life to Christ......so its His life, whatever I want or don't want doesn't really matter.
And you want to know another thing?
He ALREADY has a plan for me, I don't have to worry about anything, as long a I stay in the middle of God's will.
*Phew* I'll tell you something, it felt like a HUGE boulder just dropped off my shoulders, I have never felt immediate peace like that before, it was SO cool!!!
Of course, I do catch my self thinking about it, but every time I do I just stop, take a deep breath, and remind my self that it is not up to me. Not my responsibility.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.