Monday, July 7, 2008

To Be or Not to Be

When I was little I used to dream about the day when I would be all grown-up, when I was out of school, had a job and my own car, and life was perfect..........
I am still waiting for that day to come, even though I have all of those things, somehow they have not brought me all the happiness I thought. Proving, once again, that happiness does not come from things.
In all that dreaming, imagining my grown-up life, I had no concept of all the pressures and responsibilities it would bring. And if I could go back and tell my-self just one thing, I would say, 'sweetie, its not as glamorous as it looks, you have to buy your own gas!'

Now I dream about the day when I have a plan, a direction for my life, what am I going to be when I grow up?
I have been putting off making any major decisions, thinking; 'ah, I have plenty of time'.
But now as fall draws nearer, and as my job comes to an end, I am left with the question; 'what am I going to be when I grow up?'
The answer? I have NO idea.........*sigh* I hate that, not knowing. I'm a planner, if I had my way I would have my whole life planned out complete with charts and lists. This not knowing makes my stomach hurt :(
I was up for an hour the other night, tossing and turning, my mind just going around and around what am I going to do what am I going to do what am I....well you get the point.
And after a whole hour I had the most brilliant thought I think I have ever ready?
It is NOT up to me, I have given my life to its His life, whatever I want or don't want doesn't really matter.
And you want to know another thing?
He ALREADY has a plan for me, I don't have to worry about anything, as long a I stay in the middle of God's will.
*Phew* I'll tell you something, it felt like a HUGE boulder just dropped off my shoulders, I have never felt immediate peace like that before, it was SO cool!!!
Of course, I do catch my self thinking about it, but every time I do I just stop, take a deep breath, and remind my self that it is not up to me. Not my responsibility.

be free

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.
Jeremiah 29:11


Lauren A. W. said...

that's so great Noel! You know, I am sure that lots of people could have, and possibly even did, tell you those things. It is always so much better though when we are able to realize those things on our own! I am happy for you and I will continue to pray for you. Although, I have found that what God calls us to His trust Him and be a witness for Him. From what I see in your life, you are doing that so keep it up girl! Glorify God by resting in Him. People in this world will say you are crazy, but I say AWESOME!

Lauren A. W. said...

One more thing....

I was ready a blog recently and it said:

"Sometimes in order to do what we are called to do, we must find out what it's not".

I thought that was really good.

Whitney said...

thanks Noel, you really encouraged me. I have been struggling with the same thing. So thanks, love ya

Morgan Ruckel said...

Great post, I am kinda in that point in my life also but it is great to know that it is not up to us. Thanks for the encouragement. Love ya girl, Morgan

DOT (Maria) said...

your not the only one. and your post was very encouraging. Thanks


Lauren said...

That was great, Noel! I know exactly what you are going through! Your post was encouraging!