Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Life is hard

It really is, and it keeps getting harder as I get older. I'm going through some tough times right now, and I know that God is trying to teach me something, but what?
A few months ago I was thinking, 'I really have a perfect life, I have everything that I really even want'.......Now, I just have questions, and they're not really even good questions.
When I got back from the ski trip my life just took a downward spiral, both of our cars are in the shop, and to get them both fixed its going to be almost $2,000. My dog, Joe (the best, sweetest, funniest dog in the whole world), we found out has been killing chickens, and those people are going to sue us if we don't get rid of him. And than Mon. morning I find out that as of May 1st I no longer have a job, they are going to start outsourcing it, or something.
My reaction to all this? WHY?
I went to bible study last night, I did'nt really want to go, but I figured that if I wanted God to show me what He wanted me to do next, that the least I could do was TRY and get closer to Him.
I'm glad I went, I still have doubts and questions, probably more than I did before. But I feel like I'm not by my-self, I don't have to figure it out, because I'm not trying to do MY will.
Anyways, I thought I would write down some of my random thoughts and questions from last night, just in case anyone had any answers, or just to feel encouaged that someone else is feeling the same way you are...........

Thoughts and Questions;

Do I want God to break me?
What id the purpose of closing a door when there is not one open? I want to see an alturnative first! I did'nt want these doors to close, what if I don't want to give that to you? I don't want to wait!
When the music fades.............it should'nt ever fade, that feeling that God is RIGHT there, 'cause HE is. We can choose whether or not to 'listen', to really listen, to be aware of WEHRE God is, right there, by you, in you, beside, before, after, below, above.........
How can I ignore something so BIG? How can I put my selfish desires in front of someone's so RIGHT? How can I act this way in front of someone so PERFECT? WHO cares? About ANYTHING else? What REALLY matters? Nothing of this world. What lasts? What is REAL? Emotions? People? Relationships? Actions? Words? Its? What is its? My life? But I thougt that life did'nt matter. It does'nt, just His plan, how do I really KNOW His plan? and not just picking thing out of the bible...
The ONE thing I know? I AM HIS - totally - completely- nothing that is mine, is mine - What is really mine?


WHAT DO YOU WANT?????????????

So that is whats been going on with me, I hope I have'nt depressed anyone or anything, and I am not doubting my salvation, or that there is a God, or anything like that, I just want to know more. Up to now I think I've just been 'here', wherever the 'current' takes me. I want to go His way, not my own, or anyone else's.
I would appreciate your prayers, I know this won't be easy...........
Be Free
~noel~

7 comments:

Whitney said...

hey Noel I am here if you ever want to talk. I love you and I will be praying for you. See ya tmr.

Jonathan said...

I'm praying for you too :)

Brandon and Rachael said...

hey Noel, those are great questions. Keep seeking and I promise that you will find what He wants and expects from you. Let me know if you need anything or if you want to talk about any of those questions. Thanks for coming Monday! I am praying for you.

Morgan Ruckel said...

Noel, continue to search. The Lord will reveal himself to you in the greatest ways. I know what you are going through and I believe right now at this age most young pepole sruggle with some of the same things. The real testimony is to be able to say you overcame with Christ awsome power we can overcome.I love you and will keep you in my prayers. Morgan

L.s.R said...

Hey Noel, this is Lydia. I stumbled onto your blog thru Morgan's. I just wanted to let you know that I prayed for you this morning. I understand what you mean, when everything is great one minute and horrible the next. I don't know how to make difficult times easier, but I know you can make them bearable thru trusting in Christ's perfect plan for our lives. My pastor said on Sunday that during the hard times you notice God's grace more. I know it is very hard, but it is all worth it because of that! I will keep praying!

FreeToFly said...

Thank you!! I really feel loved! I have amazing friends :).
And while I don't have answers to all my questions yet, I am learning to trust in God EACH and EVERY day. Which something new for me. I love you guys!
~noel~

Lauren :-) said...

Hey Noel. I just now saw this but I want you to know that you have eben in my prayers since that night at Bible study. A LOT of those questions I was faced with last year. God IS and will ALWAYS be faithful though. Even though a lot of time we do not see the purpose for things there IS a purpose.

I am reminded of a song I heard: "All things work for our good though soemtimes we can't see how they could. Strugles that break our hearts in two sometimes blind us to the truth. Our father knows what's best for us. His ways are not our own. So when your pathway grows dim and you just can't see Him remember you"re never alone. God is too wise to be mistaken. God is too good to be unkind. So when you dont understand, when you don't see His plan, when you can't trace His hand Trust His heart!"

I really and truly believe that you are seeking God and that He will honor that. Trust Him. A lot of times it is when we are in the storms of life that we see how desperatly we need God in our lives. Cling to him and the promise that "ALL things work for our good to them that love God and are called to His purpose!"