Well.
It is here.
Dun dun duuuuuun.
After what seems like waiting forever, praying every day, hoping, wishing, wanting.....It has come.
In exactly 10 hours I will be at the Will Rogers World airport about to leave on a month long adventure to Zambia and Tanzania, Africa.
I can hardly believe it.
Though, looking back it was a long journey to get here. I feel ready, yet uncertain, excited, but nervous, at peace, with some worry thrown in. I have never been away from home this long before, and to be in a third world country halfway around the world? Wait a minute, did I say I wanted to do this? I am too young, too inexperienced. Someone older, and more mature should be going. All of this keeps going through my head, as I remember how God has brought me here. The faithfulness and provision that He has shown me is overwhelming. Starting with a $100 from a stranger at the post office, to an anonymous gift of $2,100 I can see, so very clearly, the hand of God on this decision. Is there any greater feeling then to know, I mean really know; without a doubt, that you are in the center of the Lord's will for your life??? I don't think so.
This week has been crazy. I usually like to start packing at least a week in advance because I have this dread, or fear of forgetting something uber important. But, I started Monday.....and didn't get very far. Yesterday I did a little better, but still had to do other things and my room was still a disaster at 10pm.
I finally buckled down and got-r-dun.
At the moment I am one pound under the limit and praying that my scales are not off.
I will be journaling lots while in Africa and I will try and post some of those entries when I get back. Please be praying for me and the team. I was surprised last year by the amount of spiritual warfare that I could see and feel. Your prayers DO help, and WILL make a difference, thank you!!
So, its time.
Goodbye, farewell, and au revoir :)
~noel~
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
great expectations.
Expectation;
The belief that something should happen, or the hope that it will happen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I did not expect my great grandmother to die, I had hoped that she would be alive for much longer. I will miss her. She was an amazing lady, who shaped much of who my own mother is today, and provided me with a Godly heritage. I would love to be just like her someday. I am not sad for her, she is in Heaven, healthy, happy and at peace.
I love you Grandma Ryan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been planning on going to Africa. Wishing, hoping, trusting, believing....knowing that God would work it all out.
The journey so far has been incredible, being a witness to the faithful of my Savior.
I started out in January needing $6,500 for my trip to Zambia and Tanzania. I have watched money come in little by little since then, and been blown away by the generosity of my friends and family.
As of yesterday I needed $2,700, still alot, but not impossible.
Then I got a phone call.
Someone gave me $2,000, anonymously.
I was, still am speechless.
I did not expect this. I have not been letting myself hope too much, praying that I would go, but not setting myself up to be disappointed.
How could I doubt that greatness of God?
MY GOD IS AN ALL-POWERFUL, ALL-KNOWING, ALWAYS FAITHFUL GOD.
~noel
The belief that something should happen, or the hope that it will happen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I did not expect my great grandmother to die, I had hoped that she would be alive for much longer. I will miss her. She was an amazing lady, who shaped much of who my own mother is today, and provided me with a Godly heritage. I would love to be just like her someday. I am not sad for her, she is in Heaven, healthy, happy and at peace.
I love you Grandma Ryan.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have been planning on going to Africa. Wishing, hoping, trusting, believing....knowing that God would work it all out.
The journey so far has been incredible, being a witness to the faithful of my Savior.
I started out in January needing $6,500 for my trip to Zambia and Tanzania. I have watched money come in little by little since then, and been blown away by the generosity of my friends and family.
As of yesterday I needed $2,700, still alot, but not impossible.
Then I got a phone call.
Someone gave me $2,000, anonymously.
I was, still am speechless.
I did not expect this. I have not been letting myself hope too much, praying that I would go, but not setting myself up to be disappointed.
How could I doubt that greatness of God?
MY GOD IS AN ALL-POWERFUL, ALL-KNOWING, ALWAYS FAITHFUL GOD.
~noel
Sunday, May 2, 2010
the neverending week. that I loved.
This week has been one of the craziest weeks of my entire life. I'm not sure I ever had a moment that I was not planning, teaching, stressing, organizing, talking to kids, giving advice, thinking about a problem, or other things that I can not remember right now because my brain is so tired.
Monday; Mission Day from 7:30am - 6pm. Right after that the Character Focus team drove 2 hrs to Tulsa and started setting up for the children's conference the next day. After that we drove to the church we stayed at and set up all our beds and stuff. Didn't get to bed until 11:30pm.
Tuesday; OCHEC children's conference (in Tulsa). Got up at 6am, finished setting up and opened registration at 11:00am. From then on I did not have one moment to myself. My day consisted of talking to kids, serving snacks, entertaining 30 preschoolers, teaching songs, being Satan in a skit, reassuring parents, holding crying 5 yr olds, smiling lots of smiling, encouraging volunteers, and making older kids laugh. The parents picked up their children at 9pm. It was a good day :).......(that night we had some meetings, and planning, so I didn't get to bed til almost 1am)
Wednesday; Another early morning; 5am. This time the kids checked in at 8:15 and stayed til 5pm. About the same as Tuesday, except I started loosing my voice and sounded a bit squeaky. Another late night, went to bed at 11pm.
Thursday; Drove back to OKC and set-up for our second OCHEC. Went to a meeting for Africa, SUPER EXCITED about that :).
Fell into bed around 11:30, sooooo happy to be home.
Friday; Children's conference #2. Same plan, different kids. 5am - 7pm. Makes for an uber long day. The only thing I can say is the only way I made it through that day is with God's help. There is no other explanation. Had so much fun, I love kids :)
Saturday; Last day. Struggling to keep my eyes open in the warm-up meeting, thinking that there is no way I can even get by, much less find that final burst of energy to make it fun for the kids and keep their attention. Three words; God. Is. Faithful. All the time. People will try to meet your expectations and make you happy, but they will always fail. God will NEVER fail. Because of His grace I was able to finish strong, and give everything I had. And I even had fun doing it. God used those kids to bless me, so much more than I deserve.
So, that is my week. So many words come to mind when I try to describe it; but one keeps coming to mind - stretching. In a good way. In a way that I feel honored to have been given this opportunity. I know that God never gives me more than I can handle, and it humbles me to think that He trusted me to share His Truth with so many.
I had planned to share a story about one of the girls I talked to, but her story will have to wait. Its a good one though, I cry every time I tell it. :)
GOD IS SO GOOD.
be free
~noel~
Monday; Mission Day from 7:30am - 6pm. Right after that the Character Focus team drove 2 hrs to Tulsa and started setting up for the children's conference the next day. After that we drove to the church we stayed at and set up all our beds and stuff. Didn't get to bed until 11:30pm.
Tuesday; OCHEC children's conference (in Tulsa). Got up at 6am, finished setting up and opened registration at 11:00am. From then on I did not have one moment to myself. My day consisted of talking to kids, serving snacks, entertaining 30 preschoolers, teaching songs, being Satan in a skit, reassuring parents, holding crying 5 yr olds, smiling lots of smiling, encouraging volunteers, and making older kids laugh. The parents picked up their children at 9pm. It was a good day :).......(that night we had some meetings, and planning, so I didn't get to bed til almost 1am)
Wednesday; Another early morning; 5am. This time the kids checked in at 8:15 and stayed til 5pm. About the same as Tuesday, except I started loosing my voice and sounded a bit squeaky. Another late night, went to bed at 11pm.
Thursday; Drove back to OKC and set-up for our second OCHEC. Went to a meeting for Africa, SUPER EXCITED about that :).
Fell into bed around 11:30, sooooo happy to be home.
Friday; Children's conference #2. Same plan, different kids. 5am - 7pm. Makes for an uber long day. The only thing I can say is the only way I made it through that day is with God's help. There is no other explanation. Had so much fun, I love kids :)
Saturday; Last day. Struggling to keep my eyes open in the warm-up meeting, thinking that there is no way I can even get by, much less find that final burst of energy to make it fun for the kids and keep their attention. Three words; God. Is. Faithful. All the time. People will try to meet your expectations and make you happy, but they will always fail. God will NEVER fail. Because of His grace I was able to finish strong, and give everything I had. And I even had fun doing it. God used those kids to bless me, so much more than I deserve.
So, that is my week. So many words come to mind when I try to describe it; but one keeps coming to mind - stretching. In a good way. In a way that I feel honored to have been given this opportunity. I know that God never gives me more than I can handle, and it humbles me to think that He trusted me to share His Truth with so many.
I had planned to share a story about one of the girls I talked to, but her story will have to wait. Its a good one though, I cry every time I tell it. :)
GOD IS SO GOOD.
be free
~noel~
Saturday, April 17, 2010
**Disclaimer; I, Mirage Noel Boyd, am not in my right mind, (or maybe I am) but not my normal right mind, and have just written out my rambling ramblings as they have come into my poor tired, overwhelmed, stressed out, slightly weird HEAD. The following may confuse you, will probably not make sense, and might cause you to think I am crazy. I most likely am. Makes life more interesting. Happy reading.**
weary.
sometimes life is not happy.
sometimes life seems pointless.
sometimes life is beautiful.
sometimes life is heartbreaking.
thoughts seem hazy, just out of reach, coming into focus only to disappear into a confusing web of endless questions.
my heart hurts.
my head hurts.
my body hurts, wait, thats just the gym.
why do I keep setting myself up for failure? why do I keep striving for perfection when it is not possible? (in my own strength)
I have a Savior who loves me. This knowledge gives me the courage to face each day, to keep doing the next thing, and trusting that there is a plan.
Do you ever wonder?
how the grass turns green at the same time the leaves come out on the trees, turning the bleak deadness into a luscious landscape of life?
why people discriminate against people different than them, instead of marveling at the creativity of the Creator?
when a mother knows her child is getting into something without anyone telling her?
what happens when a baby stares into your eyes and seems to know what you're thinking?
who is laughing at the exact same thing you are 100,000 miles away?
I actually didn't, until just now.
oh, and one more thing; does anyone else think it is slightly weird to write out your thoughts and then send them out into cyberspace for anyone to read? Just a thought. Maybe it is completely normal, lots of people seem to be doing it.
I guess that is about it.
(not really, but that is all I am willing to share at the moment.)
Think through your thoughts today, it will confuse you and you can join me :)
randomly,
~noel
weary.
sometimes life is not happy.
sometimes life seems pointless.
sometimes life is beautiful.
sometimes life is heartbreaking.
thoughts seem hazy, just out of reach, coming into focus only to disappear into a confusing web of endless questions.
my heart hurts.
my head hurts.
my body hurts, wait, thats just the gym.
why do I keep setting myself up for failure? why do I keep striving for perfection when it is not possible? (in my own strength)
I have a Savior who loves me. This knowledge gives me the courage to face each day, to keep doing the next thing, and trusting that there is a plan.
Do you ever wonder?
how the grass turns green at the same time the leaves come out on the trees, turning the bleak deadness into a luscious landscape of life?
why people discriminate against people different than them, instead of marveling at the creativity of the Creator?
when a mother knows her child is getting into something without anyone telling her?
what happens when a baby stares into your eyes and seems to know what you're thinking?
who is laughing at the exact same thing you are 100,000 miles away?
I actually didn't, until just now.
oh, and one more thing; does anyone else think it is slightly weird to write out your thoughts and then send them out into cyberspace for anyone to read? Just a thought. Maybe it is completely normal, lots of people seem to be doing it.
I guess that is about it.
(not really, but that is all I am willing to share at the moment.)
Think through your thoughts today, it will confuse you and you can join me :)
randomly,
~noel
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Mercy reaching to save me.......
......its something so beautiful, beautiful.
The crack of the sticks.....
The grunts of Someone holding in pain....
The jeers of lost souls.....
The knowledge that I DID THAT TO HIM......
*overwhelmed*
Tears stream down my face, pooling in my hands.
Hands that are outstretched, palms up, surrendered.
I have thought about the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ many times, I've grown up in church, heard all the stories, watched all the movies.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I am rarely moved. I gloss over it, 'oh yeah, Jesus died for me, thank you Jesus!'.
WHAT?
How can I think that in any way repays HIM for what He did???
It does not.
I can not.
Ever.
And the one thing He does ask of me, the thing that is already His, I don't even give that.
ME. All of me. Surrendered to Him, willingly, waiting to do whatever He asks.
As I sat there Monday night watching the beating scene from the Passion of the Christ I was completely overwhelmed.
And I had a new insight I suppose you could call it, every time I watch something like that I get 'righteously angry' at the Roman soldiers. There they are beating, spitting on, and laughing that THE SON OF GOD, GOD HIMSELF, and have no shame.
Other times I have felt ashamed for thinking this because I know that I am just like those Roman soldiers, I am just like Pilate, and I am like the self-righteous Pharisees.
But this night I saw just a glimpse of Jesus's perspective, He was being beat, spit on, and laughed at by His own creation. The very ones that He was suffering for, dying for, whom He loved more than I can EVER comprehend, were causing Him pain beyond imagining.
Yet, is this any worse then the pain I cause Him every time I go my own way, and reject Him???
I don't think so. I am no better than anyone else. If I could somehow grasp that concept it would save me so much heartache. If I could think about this before I do what I want, that I am causing the One who died for me pain and grief, I would stop.
I have never been more aware of the incredible, awe-inspiring, all consuming, all encompassing, crazy LOVE that God has for ME, then Monday night.
I could barely hold it in, I had no words, but somehow they needed to come out. Trembling, smiling, crying, a taste of heaven perhaps?
That is my journey so far. I am praying that this is only the beginning, a simple seed, with strong roots and no distractions.
be free
~noel~
To give unselfishly
To love the least of these
Jesus I'm learning how to live with open hands
All these treasures that I own
Will never satisfy my soul
Jesus I lay them at Your throne with open hands
I lift my hands open wide
Let the whole world see
How You loved, how You died, how You set me free
Free at last
I surrender all I am with open hands, with open hands
To finally let go of my plans
These earthly kingdoms built of sand
Jesus at Your cross I stand with open hands
You took the nails, You bore the crown
You hung Your head, Your love poured out
You took my place, You paid my price
So Jesus, now I will give my life
-Matt Papa, Open Hands
The crack of the sticks.....
The grunts of Someone holding in pain....
The jeers of lost souls.....
The knowledge that I DID THAT TO HIM......
*overwhelmed*
Tears stream down my face, pooling in my hands.
Hands that are outstretched, palms up, surrendered.
I have thought about the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ many times, I've grown up in church, heard all the stories, watched all the movies.
I am ashamed to admit it, but I am rarely moved. I gloss over it, 'oh yeah, Jesus died for me, thank you Jesus!'.
WHAT?
How can I think that in any way repays HIM for what He did???
It does not.
I can not.
Ever.
And the one thing He does ask of me, the thing that is already His, I don't even give that.
ME. All of me. Surrendered to Him, willingly, waiting to do whatever He asks.
As I sat there Monday night watching the beating scene from the Passion of the Christ I was completely overwhelmed.
And I had a new insight I suppose you could call it, every time I watch something like that I get 'righteously angry' at the Roman soldiers. There they are beating, spitting on, and laughing that THE SON OF GOD, GOD HIMSELF, and have no shame.
Other times I have felt ashamed for thinking this because I know that I am just like those Roman soldiers, I am just like Pilate, and I am like the self-righteous Pharisees.
But this night I saw just a glimpse of Jesus's perspective, He was being beat, spit on, and laughed at by His own creation. The very ones that He was suffering for, dying for, whom He loved more than I can EVER comprehend, were causing Him pain beyond imagining.
Yet, is this any worse then the pain I cause Him every time I go my own way, and reject Him???
I don't think so. I am no better than anyone else. If I could somehow grasp that concept it would save me so much heartache. If I could think about this before I do what I want, that I am causing the One who died for me pain and grief, I would stop.
I have never been more aware of the incredible, awe-inspiring, all consuming, all encompassing, crazy LOVE that God has for ME, then Monday night.
I could barely hold it in, I had no words, but somehow they needed to come out. Trembling, smiling, crying, a taste of heaven perhaps?
That is my journey so far. I am praying that this is only the beginning, a simple seed, with strong roots and no distractions.
be free
~noel~
To give unselfishly
To love the least of these
Jesus I'm learning how to live with open hands
All these treasures that I own
Will never satisfy my soul
Jesus I lay them at Your throne with open hands
I lift my hands open wide
Let the whole world see
How You loved, how You died, how You set me free
Free at last
I surrender all I am with open hands, with open hands
To finally let go of my plans
These earthly kingdoms built of sand
Jesus at Your cross I stand with open hands
You took the nails, You bore the crown
You hung Your head, Your love poured out
You took my place, You paid my price
So Jesus, now I will give my life
-Matt Papa, Open Hands
Thursday, March 11, 2010
poor little rich me
I never really understood the analogy of life being like a winding road before the last year or so. I knew that life had surprises, but I had no idea how quickly the turns in the road happen, or how completely different the scenery is.
My life has changed so much in the past two years, in the past year, and even the past 6 months. Its crazy! I think about this often, but more so in the past couple of weeks. I am raising money to go to Africa again this year, and to be honest it is slightly overwhelming.
Last year I already had my money raised from the year before, and the money I need to raise this year is three times that amount. Plus I need funds for 3 other mission projects in the U.S. This has changed the way I think, drastically.
I remember when I had a job a year and a half ago, (has it really been that long???), how very different my thought process was.
If I really wanted something, I saved up for a little while and bought it. About once a month or so I would go shopping, cause thats what girls do, and maybe buy something(s).
I made several big purchases; computer, camera, redecorated my room, and paid for several mission trips out of my own pocket.
It is amazing how things change, that kind of thinking is foreign to me now. Not just the lacking a job/steady income/income at all, but my focus is different.
Just a few days ago I had a random thought; I wish I had a pair of Toms. I have these often, everyone does. They see something that is cool and wish they could have it too. But this time I stopped and thought about how back when I had my job I wouldn't have thought twice about buying some Toms. I might have saved for a month or so, or maybe just went out and bought them. Now, its not even a serious thought really. I would like some, but when you're trying to save as much as you can no matter how small $50 or $60 is a HUGE deal. And when I think about it there is no comparison. Period.
Think about it;
Africa__
or shoes__
yeah.....I don't feel cheated at all :)
poor, but so very rich!
be free
~noel~
My life has changed so much in the past two years, in the past year, and even the past 6 months. Its crazy! I think about this often, but more so in the past couple of weeks. I am raising money to go to Africa again this year, and to be honest it is slightly overwhelming.
Last year I already had my money raised from the year before, and the money I need to raise this year is three times that amount. Plus I need funds for 3 other mission projects in the U.S. This has changed the way I think, drastically.
I remember when I had a job a year and a half ago, (has it really been that long???), how very different my thought process was.
If I really wanted something, I saved up for a little while and bought it. About once a month or so I would go shopping, cause thats what girls do, and maybe buy something(s).
I made several big purchases; computer, camera, redecorated my room, and paid for several mission trips out of my own pocket.
It is amazing how things change, that kind of thinking is foreign to me now. Not just the lacking a job/steady income/income at all, but my focus is different.
Just a few days ago I had a random thought; I wish I had a pair of Toms. I have these often, everyone does. They see something that is cool and wish they could have it too. But this time I stopped and thought about how back when I had my job I wouldn't have thought twice about buying some Toms. I might have saved for a month or so, or maybe just went out and bought them. Now, its not even a serious thought really. I would like some, but when you're trying to save as much as you can no matter how small $50 or $60 is a HUGE deal. And when I think about it there is no comparison. Period.
Think about it;
Africa__
or shoes__
yeah.....I don't feel cheated at all :)
poor, but so very rich!
be free
~noel~
Monday, March 8, 2010
Feelings of inadequacy surround me. Being humbled in so many ways. Desperation leaving a bitter taste in my mouth. Tears fall, being broken before the Lord is a painful yet incredible place to be.
I long for peace. I would rather have peace than just about anything else. Whether it is in my own life, or the people and circumstances around me. I desire this peace so much that sometimes I feel like I need to 'do' something, or change a part of my life in order to have it. Recently, as in tonight, I had a thought; what if God does not want me to just stop doing this or change how I do that. What if the real issue is my heart. My heart needs to change, I need to get to the root issue. Some of the time I think the answer is my relationship with God. I get so focused on the don't's....don't do this, don't do that, stay away from those, and I forget what is the most important; my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything else is subject to that; how I spend my time, who I am friends with, what I say and the thoughts I have. All of these things will fall into place if I have a good relationship with Christ.
I said all that to say that I am going to try an experiment for the next week or so. Instead of choosing to fast from something or change something about what I do, I am going to seek God. Earnestly, desperately, I am going to try to focus so much on Him that everything else takes a back seat. Whether this means having a 4 hour quiet time, or not getting on facebook, I am going to follow the Spirit and pray for change, a heart change, the kind that turns mediocre girls into passionate young women willing to anything for their Creator.
((desperate for changing. starving for Truth. closer then when I started. I'm chasing after You.))
I long for peace. I would rather have peace than just about anything else. Whether it is in my own life, or the people and circumstances around me. I desire this peace so much that sometimes I feel like I need to 'do' something, or change a part of my life in order to have it. Recently, as in tonight, I had a thought; what if God does not want me to just stop doing this or change how I do that. What if the real issue is my heart. My heart needs to change, I need to get to the root issue. Some of the time I think the answer is my relationship with God. I get so focused on the don't's....don't do this, don't do that, stay away from those, and I forget what is the most important; my relationship with Jesus Christ. Everything else is subject to that; how I spend my time, who I am friends with, what I say and the thoughts I have. All of these things will fall into place if I have a good relationship with Christ.
I said all that to say that I am going to try an experiment for the next week or so. Instead of choosing to fast from something or change something about what I do, I am going to seek God. Earnestly, desperately, I am going to try to focus so much on Him that everything else takes a back seat. Whether this means having a 4 hour quiet time, or not getting on facebook, I am going to follow the Spirit and pray for change, a heart change, the kind that turns mediocre girls into passionate young women willing to anything for their Creator.
((desperate for changing. starving for Truth. closer then when I started. I'm chasing after You.))
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