And So It Begins.......

.....The Absolute Craziness and Mayhem.
and I mean that in the fondest way, I am really excited about all the conferences coming up, I am just a little overwhelmed. But I like being busy, the tired part..not so much. I am already tired and today was only the first setup day *sheesh*.

So this was all to say that I probably will not post for a while, not that I do all the time anyway.....but this time I will have an excuse lol. Pray for me, I really want to be used by God for great things.

be free
~noel~

letting mySELF go....

Have you ever felt like you have been stumbling around in the dark for a long time......
Then, all at once, everything comes into focus. You can see things so clearly, things you didn't really want to see. I feel like that, only the things I see I don't know how to change........

I can see how really screwed up I am....all of these things that I have been hearing about for years, things my parents, siblings, and friends have said...and now I can see them ALL......and its really bad.

Whats worse is I don't know how to change, I have been this way so long that I don't know if I CAN change. My heart keeps telling me that I don't have to do this alone, and that I CAN change through the blood of Christ, but my mind is having trouble believing this.

I will not give up though, I am determined to figure this out and surrender my stupid pride and self-righteousness.

be free
~noel~

P.S. This is a song I just started listening to, and it has really encouraged me. I just listen to it over and over, telling myself that this is TRUTH, that no matter what is happening in my life God IS my JOY!!!!

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.
With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in Remain composed.
Love's taken over me So I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.
Love's taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy

I need to catch my breath, I need to.
I need to catch my breath, give me a moment now.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

I'm laughing so hard
And I'm laughing so hard
And I'm laughing so hard

-You Are My Joy, by David Crowder

sunrise to sunset

Sooooo, its been a while, sorry about that. Its been a mix of nothing to write about really, and not wanting to write about the same things I have been writing about. You know the whole I'm-so-depressed-I-don't-have-a-job-I-need-money-what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-life-wah-wha-wah......you know the usual.

Anyways, life has been good. Slow, but that is good. The ski trip was fun, but VERY tiring. Apparently that is what happens when you have a lot of responsibility and only get 6 hours of sleep a night.

I am starting to get very excited about all the things I have going on this summer, and a little overwhelmed. I am still not sure how God is going to provide, but I'm not worried....much. He has already provided some funds, but not all.

Change......I don't like change. It is very hard for me to adapt and be happy about it. I would much rather kick and scream and make things go back to the way they were. But change happens anyway, and mostly I am accepting it.....not very happily I might add. Some changes I might not mind, like a job or a plan for my life, but here I am back on the subject I was trying to avoid.

Have I mentioned that I really don't like cold weather, and I am way past ready for spring to be here????? Well, I don't and I am. I want to wear my tanks, flip-flops and shorts. I want to sit outside and drink lemonade. I want to swim in my grandpa's pool and get a tan. I want to be able to get dressed without thinking about coats, hats, scarfs and gloves. I want to put all my boots and winter clothes up and get out my summer dresses. I want I want I want......... :P

I guess thats about it.......for now. Hopefully the next time I post I will be able to talk about how warm it is outside.....I can dream anyway lol.

be free
~noel~

Au Revoir......

.....to all. I shall miss everyone, but will be having so much fun that I bet you miss me more, just kidding :p.

I am leaving my house at 2:45 in the morning (yes that is still night), and will be traveling to Colorado for a week of rest and relaxation. In between cooking meals and all that good stuff.

I am so ready for this break, I need some time to just be quiet and think. And Colorado is just the place to do that, it is so beautiful and different than here.

be free
~noel~

so little time......

*deep breath*

*let it out*

This last week so busy, it was insane.
My family and I were involved in a basketball tournament. It was fun, but so crazy. I went to at least 14 games, probably more. And I ran the clock in most of them, and for those of you who have never ran the clock before it requires a lot of concentration, and is usually very stressful. Friday night I went to a get together with my Wednesday night class and had so much fun. We played basketball for at least 3 hours, and even though I had been around basketball all week it was great.

Usually it takes me a week to recover from a week like that, but this week I have NO time to even rest. I leave for the ski trip on Sunday, and I have SO much to do before then. Whitney and I are planning/cooking all the meals, so instead of my personal packing being my priority this week, planning/shopping/packing all the food is. I am freaking out just thinking about it. I still have all my regular stuff to do also, You Grow, Character First, etc.

If I just get through this week I can relax, I am REALLY looking forward to the ski trip. It is going to be so much fun, it is always different but amazing.

May God bless your week to be less hectic than mine :)

be free
~noel~

Hope & Sanity

Trust.

Hope.

Peace.

Love, love, love.

I have heard these words over and over, they seem etched in my memory. They are such simple words, only four and five letters. Yet the message they carry is so complicated and complex. Not to mention hard to live out.

It scares me sometimes how quick my mood can change, and how many different emotions I can experience in a short amount of time. To be so happy and content one day, than be depressed and lonely the next.

I have been trying to show love lately, and it seems like God is giving me every opportunity to do so. Seriously, these last few weeks have been challenging and there have been so many times that I have wanted to say forget this. But today I have really seen a difference in my attitude and just my thoughts.

Have you ever surprised yourself with the things that you think? I do, all the time. I think things that I would never, ever say out loud. Some of them are funny, or just not the right time. But others are just wrong, it is scary.

God loves me. I mean really loves me. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. It sickens me how I ignore Him, and act like He is less important then other things in my life. It is like having a fiance or husband and him not calling you or wanting to spend time with you. That would be horrible, and that is how I treat God.

I am so blessed, especially in my family and friends. I do not know what I would do or who I would be without them. Having the right friends are so crucial to how you act and your whole world view.

I hope this makes some sense, and it is not some jumbled emotional mess :P.

be free
~noel~

Does anybody care and do you even see
Look past my skin until you see me
Do you even know what I'm going through
I need to talk to someone can I talk to you
Does anybody care and do you even see
I'm running out of hope and sanity
Do you even know what I'm going through
I'm having a hard time facing the truth
Does anybody care
Hold on, hold on, someone will find you
Hold on, hold on, somebody loves you
Hold on, hold on, your not drowning this time
Hold on, hold on, look for the searchlights
-Abandon, Hold On

Cold Days = Lazy Days :)

I really dislike the cold weather...winter is my least favorite season.

But, I love it when the weather is bad. When everyone has to stay home. When it feels so cold and stormy outside that all you want to do is cuddle up with a blanket and something hot to drink, and watch a movie or read a book.

As long as I can stay home I will be happy, but if I have to drive in this.......yuck!!!

So, the last four months I have been whining about not having a job, or a plan, and just sitting around waiting, and I'm tired of it.
No nothing has really changed, but God has made people with this amazing ability to adapt and be happy in any situation. I really believe that, although our flesh gets in the way of this many times. But I am not going to let this happen, I am going to be happy where I am and just be content with all the blessings that God HAS given me.
I am telling myself this more than than telling you lol. I know that this commitment will take more strength and patience than I have...alone. But not so if I walk in the Spirit and rely on His strength. One thing that has helped me reach this place is not focusing on myself, but looking for ways that I can serve other people and have new purpose in my life.

I am reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time and am really enjoying it. Although it is taking me longer to read than usual because I do not want to miss anything.

I started journaling when I was twelve and have written semi consistently since than. I have been reading through some of them the past week and it has been highly entertaining. I also have seen how much I have changed, for the better I hope. If you are not keeping a journal I would encourage you to do so. It not only serves as entertainment and encouragement later, it is a great stress reliever, and if you have short term memory loss, like myself, you will be able to write down important events :).

I guess I am done rambling for now, if I am iced in for much longer I may post again.
Stay warm and be you, life is too short to be anyone else!

be free
~noel~